New Year's Resolutions

I guess I've never actually carefully considered a resolution and stuck with it. But this year I would like to attempt these things:

• Work more on setting weekly goals, and sticking to them until they are completed. 
• I want to read more with my daughter and help her along with her reading skills and confidence.
• Teach my son patience, oh and potty training should probably be mastered by the end of 2011 too.
• Be a less nagging wife.  This one will actually take some work on my part.  I need to find another approach to getting my husband to do the things I'd like him to.  Maybe a note, or simple text reminder.  But repeating myself several times and yelling hasn't been good for either of us.  And maybe I should be more of a helper to him, rather than feeling like he is here to help me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Ps- Not as much of a priority as the things directly considering my family:
 I would also like to make homemade bread often.
 Be a better friend and listener.

A Love and a Hate

First of all I want to share with you a great deal that Amazon has going on right now. 

Farmer's Market Foods Organic Canned Pumpkin, 15-Ounce Cans (Pack of 12)

For just...... $10.20

when you sign up for subscribe and save.  My first shipment came today, and I've already ordered a second.  The cans that came today expire in 2013, but I doubt they'll make it that long in this house!

Secondly, I want to share with you how much I DISLIKE this product:  Big Boss Grill.  The texture of the Teflon was uneven in some spots, scratched in another.  and there is a major design flaw that when the plates are snapped into place there is a gap where the batter can drip down into the area that houses the heating element.  Simply using less batter may have been a solution.  But I measured the 1 TBSP. exactly as the recipe book that came with it suggested.  This thing also put off a ton of smoke while I was trying to make donuts in it today.  The donuts came out rubbery, not anything like the delicious prepackaged gas station cake donuts (come on, you know they're tasty!).
So  I called the company and they wont refund my purchase.  But they will send me a new one.  Whaaaaat??  I don't want a new one!  So I'll try returning it to the store next time I'm out running errands 40 minutes away with two kids in tow!  blah!  But let me make this clear, the product itself is a great idea, just needs some tweaking.

Well, Christmas vacation is coming to an end here.  Soon the princess will be back in school and the man of the house will be back at work.  It's been great to have everyone together so much and see so much family! 
Speaking of family, just one more Christmas celebration to go!  Thankfully this one I know what I'm supposed to make, and we're just doing $5 grab bag gifts for the adults.

Count Down

I want to blog about all the emotions I'm feeling right now as we head full force into celebrating Christmas.  But my emotions aren't that of someone who is celebrating Christ, but someone who is feeling overwhelmed by materialism (gifts, what the family should wear, what to serve, what to pack in the car, what dish to share, etc).
My Christmas letter this year, if I end up sending it out, is much different than any other year, and probably way different than any other letter you've ever read.  It's honest.  It's gut wrenching honest.  A little too honest for the general public, to be honest ;-) 
 But I think that's just what this world needs, a little more honesty please.
Can I throw that word in one more time? You bet I can.
I HONESTLY hope you ALL have a very Merry Christmas.  I HONESTLY hope you aren't feeling the same feelings I am right now. I hope you are all enjoying this season and have safe travels and great conversations wherever you are.

Snow, Shopping, Baking

We have MORE SNOW!  Not that we needed it, but it's here and from the sounds of it, the snow has invited it's friend, WIND, to visit too.

 

So that means I'll be here, finishing up some online shopping and tackling more Christmas baking.  My husband is really the master of cookies, but I may give it a try.  Or maybe I'll stick to muffins. Yeah, muffins I can do.  Christmas muffins?  hmmm...

If you haven't checked out Amazon yet, do it now!  There is still time to have most items shipped before Christmas.  I'm also finding great deals to stock up our "gift box". 

The only in store shopping I've done is at the second hand store.  I also had a friend bring over some of her handmade bows for me to look at.  Oh they are just beautiful!  They can be found on Etsy.

Saturday Morning

I'm baking cookies with my husband, who is also my best friend, even though we can't agree on anything most things when it comes to baking.

The kids enjoyed playing in the snow this morning, so now I'm able to enjoy their little tracks in the snow while I stand by the window doing dishes.

This is a good day :-)

I still have so many people to shop for, & what I have bought I haven't wrapped yet.  I told my husband about his Christmas present last night... he mentioned he'd like a pair of gloves, and I just can't keep my big mouth shut.. so now he knows, and I'll be on to trying to find something else for him.

Thank Goodness for online shopping or I wouldn't have anything done!

PANCAKE UPDATE

We made pancakes again.  Last nights supper was a healthier version of these pancakes. 
*I added 1/2 cup of wheat flour.  This was our first adventure with this.  We'll continue to experiment, because it worked very well.  The pancakes weren't too heavy at all.  I'll try to add more next time.  Someday I'll tell you about my "newbie" adventure with wheat flour.  It's not a great story.. It's actually a rather embarrassing story, but with a happy ending.
*I used the homemade butter I made last week. 
Finally..
*I also added blueberries.  Can I just say we all really dislike blueberries.  The little man tolerates them because he thinks they're frozen Popsicles, this sweet child has never really experienced a delicious dreamsicle.  But I thought I liked them, because I tried them once and they were okay.  So I bought a case of frozen blueberries and threw them in the freezer to use whenever we needed.
  Blueberries are great for brain health & memory, which is why I started eating them.  I was having terrible memory loss that would leave me in tears not being able to remember past events, some of my kids favorite memories I could hardly picture.  I would even look at a picture I had taken and have no idea when it was from or what it was about.  :-(   Blueberries are also a cancer fighter.  That is super important to me as our family has dealt way too much with that terrible, horrible, no good, very bad disease.  Someday I'll tell you about the amazing woman I was blessed to call  my mother-in-law. :)

I need to stay on topic here... Alright..The point of this post is to let you know these minimal changes, I believe, will provide our family with better health.  I don't know if it will make us live longer, because I don't know how long we have here on earth.  But for this day, these pancakes made us happy and our bodies feel good. 

Even with the blueberries, the pancakes were delicious!  I'm not kidding you, both of my children ate 3 of these suckers (well, pancakes, no more suckers.. remember? haha)! 
As I was mixing these and watching the color of the batter change from milky white to brownish (wheat flour), to a nasty lavenderish-blue (blueberries) I thought we might not even get past the first bite.  I have been known to throw our whole supper down the drain & call up Pizza Hut because I'm scared it will be terrible.
 My husband, bless his heart, walked in the door as I was just mixing these up.  He offered to take over the cooking so I could clean up the kitchen (really, I didn't even have to beg him!).  Of course I accepted his offer!  This man has so much faith in me, I can't even tell you how great that is.  He poured this foreign batter into the pan and never once said a word about how awful they looked. 

I can honestly tell you, these were VERY far from awful or terrible they were pleasantly WONDERFUL! 
I can't wait to take make these again, and even take them a step further.  I LOVE easy recipes, and I love even more that my family loves them!  And while I'm at it, I LOVE my family too!  I gladly praise my creator for all of these blessings!  Thank you God!!


PS. Thank you to the man, woman, or team that invented spell check.. I'd look like a fool without you!!

Thought of the day

 I read this today and wanted to share. 

Leonardo da Vinci was famous for his paintings but only managed to compose 17 painting in 67 years, and some of those were never finished. Freud claimed that this was because Leonardo's father had abandoned him. Leonardo said his inability to finish projects was because his interests were "so many and so diverse."

I'll post why this is so special to me later, after I've had a good long talk with God and my husband about what is happening right now.

YES! I did it! Pancakes!

My sweetheart and I had a nice morning making breakfast together.  Here's what we tried today.

FROM THIS:

 TO THIS:

 THE RESULTS, THESE BEAUTIFUL HOT CAKES! 

I used a pancake recipe found here.  I added cinnamon because I've read/heard that it's healthy.  There are some statistics on it from the health diaries .  Cinnamon can help with cholesterol, blood sugar, yeast infections, reduction in cancer cells, anti-clotting effect in blood.  It's also a natural food preservative. 

 Although, we sure didn't need that last benefit, there was only one pancake left when the breakfast dishes were cleared. 



  

What I love about this, even more than the fact that it's healthier, is that it's less clutter!  No need to stock an extra box on a shelf, the recipe uses ingredients I already keep on hand.

I dedicate this post to my dad.  The grandkids always beg for his pancakes when they have sleep overs there.  He uses a boxed mix, but he makes them into the cutest teddy bear shapes.

 Maybe he'll ditch the box & give this simple recipe a try next time.

Homemade Butter Recipe

This family is making the switch from cheapo plasticy margarine all the way to HOMEMADE BUTTER! 

I used my fancy shmancy Kitchenaid mixer and it was so incredibly easy!   
Ingredients: Quite literally, you really use just plan old  Heavy Whipping Cream

• Pour cream into bowl. (I used 3 of these cute little cartons)
• Attach whisk and mix on medium-high until mixture thickens.
• Once thick switch to the flat beater (it's easier to get the butter off of this, then it wont stick in the whisk).
• When the cream turns to a buttery yelllow color and is thick remove from mixer. 

 Pour off the butter milk (save for something else, or just drink).  Rinse the butter in the sink to get all of the butter milk off.    I did this by holding chunks of the butter in my hand and squeezing the extra buttermilk out until the only liquid running from the butter was the clean water I was running over it. 

Store in a container with a lid.  Enjoy with homemade bread, rolls, or anything else you would like butter on. 

You may also add seasonings to flavor the butter. 

& my neighbor also suggested to lightly salt.  I checked this out, not only will it give it a little bit of flavor, but the salt also helps the butter to keep longer.  Woo!  Bonus! 

My husband LOVES butter.  He puts butter on everything.  So for years I had been buying the biggest cheapest container I could buy.  Although this really isn't a cost effective move in terms of food dollars, I believe that long term (health care costs) that this was a great switch for our family.  I had the butter on some homemade pancakes today, and I also approve! 

If you make this let me know how it turns out for you.

Oh.... Okay, so I should be honest and add here that there would be many more pictures, that was my intention anyway.  But mid-mixing I broke down crying about how bad I suck at making things from scratch and this was never going to turn into butter.. and poof, before I knew it, the mixture had thickened and my husband heard the buttermilk sloshing around in the bowl which meant it was almost ready... I would've heard it, if I weren't so busy feeling sorry for myself.  So a big THANK YOU to my husband, for encouraging me, and not putting up with my whining.

Change Two

The second change we've made over the past few years is our food.  I used to get so excited over a sale on hamburger helper.  Then when I found Wal-Mart had their own brand of it for cheaper I thought I was the luckiest gal in the world!  Until I realized the luckiest gal in the world wouldn't be excited over the ingredient list on that package!  Even though we are still transforming we have come along way.  For 2011 the changes we'll be making will be slow, and come in phases.  For the first quarter of the year I have decided we will not purchase the following things:

Granola Bars- 
My husband loves these and eats one every day for breakfast.  the kids also love them, and I find them to be a quick snack for myself as well.  And that is why we won't be purchasing them.  they are not so terribly awful that I will never consume one again, but I am hoping to avoid the High fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, and artificial sweeteners.

Cakes-
 I love baking, but for some reason when a birthday rolls around I'm the first to say "lets go pick out your cake".  Store bought cakes will be taken off the list.  This will be super easy, since none of us have a birthday in the first quarter of the year anyway.  Man, I do love making a list that I can tackle easily!
Packaged pasta-  This one may be a big mistake.  I really have only made pasta once.  But i feel confident that I can do it and don't need to rely on Martha Gooch to do it for me.
Bottled water-This is a true sacrifice for me.  We'll see how this goes.  Without bottled water I drink less than a glass a  week.  I'm hopeful that I can make this change work.  Oh & I know water isn't unhealthy, but the plastic bottle it comes in IS.

Soda-We're pretty well stocked up right now, but if we run out before March 31st, we will get by without it.  My husband drinks a can a day.  I love him so very much and I know that this is something that will benefit him.  So I'll put up with whatever crap lines he gives me as to why he NEEDS soda and how its' actually healthy to have just one can a day...  moving on...

Fruit Snacks-  you know, the gummy little things in a package.  We have a couple boxes open right now, and a few in the pantry.  These things aren't even real fruit!  They have been a snack time staple in this house.  The youngest child here whines and cries for them and doesn't ever stop with just one package.  I usually feel like if I get one out for him i might as well have one too.  Then I'm in pain because the sugar crapola is stuck to my teeth and I wish I never heard of the things.

Suckers-Maybe if there is a great deal on organic suckers again.  Otherwise NO SUCKERS!  I don't care how cheap they are, or if my princess is offering to use her own money, no suckers!

Pancakes-
I decided since I don't know what all of these are:

Enriched Bleached Flour (Bleached Wheat Flour, Malted Barley Flour, Niacin, Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Sugar, Leavening (Baking Soda, Sodium Aluminum Phosphate, Monocalcium Phosphate), Dextrose, Soybean Oil, Salt, Egg Yolk, Natural And Artificial Flavor, Calcium Carbonate, Cornstarch, Egg White, Xanthan Gum. Allergy Warning: Contains Eggs And Wheat. May Contain Traces Of Milk, Walnuts, Peanuts And Soy.

That I'm just going to have to figure out how to make pancakes on my own, using ingredients that I know.  Like Flour, baking powder, salt, sugar, milk, egg & butter.  Wow, even typing that was easy, I bet making them will be just as simple!

A week ago I was actually having dreams about planting our garden and all of the wonderful vegetables we'll harvest.   Each year I am learning so much more and I feel like this year is going to be a great year for our garden! 

Change One

The first change our family has made and will continue to work on is following Jesus Christ.  It's not like we weren't believers before, but we really have a great passion for Him now.  Our main focus for 2011 is doing what He would like us to do.  Remember the old bracelets like this:

I could really use one of those for a constant reminder.  Or maybe a tattoo is in order.  Because I don't always act the way Jesus would, but I would love it if I did.
My head is so much clearer when I go to the Bible for the answers I need.  I am able to teach my children better when I'm teaching them from the Bible and not from my own understanding. 
My husband and I cannot always agree on everything, but we do agree that what is written in the Bible is the truth.

Changes

I'm a fan of change... All sorts of change.  Brett Favre leaving the Packers for the Vikings, Clothing, furniture placement, kitchen appliances & tools, table/drink ware, the places things are stored in the cupboards, and especially coins!  haha, get it, coins.. Because that's change too..

Okay, not nearly as funny as I thought it would be, but there is still hope this blog post will work out!

Our family has made so many changes in the past few years, mostly for the better.  I, I mean WE, have decided that there are a few really great things that are important to us, that weren't as important in the past.  I will highlight these changes in 3 posts, then I will try to update on them occasionally as well.  Be on the look out! 

I really love pumpkin

Yes, I REALLY do love pumpkin.  I think I could eat pumpkin muffins all day long.  I used a pumpkin bread recipe that I modified from my homemade cookbook.  It's actually just a 3 ring binder we had laying around.  My favorite aunt e-mailed me 9 e-mails full of attachments.  Each attatchment was a recipe of my grandma's.  So I printed these on card stock, hole punched them and snapped them in to what I now call my homemade cookbook.

Pumpkin Bread
ingredients:
1 3/4 C. Pumpkin (1can)
3 1/3 C. Flour
3 C. Sugar
2/3 C. Shortening
2/3 C. Water
4 Eggs
1/2 tsp. Salt
1/2 tsp. Baking Powder
2 tsp. Baking Soda
1 tsp. Cinnamon

I have no patience for beating eggs, or separating dry ingredients from liquid.  So I just put everything into a bowl & mixed it.  With my fancy new kitchenaid mixer that I am in love with.
For bread, bake at 350 degrees for just under an hour.  This time I made 24 muffins and 1 loaf of bread, the muffins I took out after about 35 minutes, the bread I turned off after 45 minutes, but left in for another 15 minutes... so the timing isn't terribly important.  I'd say if you want a general rule- 350 for 40 minutes, then do the toothpick check.

For the frosting I used a recipe I found here.

¼ C. Softened Butter

4 ounces Cream Cheese (half a bric

½ pounds Powdered Sugar 

A Splash of Vanilla


Ps- A cute little story from my "childhood".  My grandmother used to make the BEST pumpkin pie.  I used to say Punky for pumpkin... As in, "I love grandma's punky pie".  It wasn't until about a year ago when my husband corrected me I realized that I was still saying this. 

Christmas Photo Cards

With Love Chartreuse Christmas 5x7 folded card

Make a statement with Shutterfly Christmas photo cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

The cards turned out wonderful this year!! I just can't wait to get them in the mail to all of my wonderful friends and family! 

THANKSGIVING

Philippians 4:6 (Worldwide English (New Testament))

 Do not worry about anything. Talk to God about everything. Thank him for what you have. Ask him for what you need.

Thank you God for:

Loving me, unconditionally.  Really, no one else could do it like you do.

The family I grew up in, & all of the wonderful memories I have of my childhood.  And the not so good memories, because I have learned through those as well.

My parents, who even when faced with tough times decided that the Lords plan for them was more important than their own plans (or however it was they ended up together again... I'm just thankful they did!  My life would be so different today had they not reunited, I take such pride in saying my parents have been married for 30 some years, I hope someday that will mean something to my children as well).

The family I represent, with my husband & children.  I feel so blessed (I saw this defined as being blissfully happy, I thought it was very fitting).

The gift of being able to see my extended family, although it doesn't happen nearly as often as it should, I am thankful for the times we do get to spend together.

Lord, I ask for:
Your protection over my family.  I ask that we may all be in good health.

Guidance as I continue in my profession of motherhood.  I pray that with all things I do concerning my life, especially raising my children, that I will make you truly proud.

The ability to love my husband unconditionally. 



Lord, I also pray that there will be a cure for so many diseases and illnesses, especially for diabetes and cancer.

Tuesday.

While you're reading my blog today, I hope you'll take a few minutes to learn this song, it's my favorite right now.








The black Friday ads in this house have been..... RECYCLED!

We've decided with both sides of our families that basically we aren't buying/exchanging gifts, and I sure hope we don't change our minds!



I LOVE the thrill of getting a good deal, but sometimes I wonder, is it really a good deal. Most things I probably would've passed on it anyway.



We're a one income family. This is a choice we've made so I am able to stay home with our children. I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world, but I can tell you that the reality of it is really hard. Especially around the holidays.

It's hard to be frugal and live within our means when these toy catalogs come out, or Kitchen aid mixers hit rock bottom prices. Or, like this whole past week I've been researching waffle makers.

Why do I want a waffle maker you might ask? Or you might not, because you just kind of figure I'll make waffles with it. Duh!

I had one for YEARS, used it only once or twice. The waffles stuck like crazy they came out in pieces and I was ticked off with the whole thing. So (by my choice) it disappeared from our house. But yet again, I feel like I need another one, a better one. Ours was pre-loved and several years old by the time we started using it.



This is so ridiculous. I've even gone to stores with the intent of buying one. I know It would be used more than the last one, but still not enough to spend $30 on another kitchen gadget. I mean I do like pancakes just as well, right? (maybe not.. there is something to be said for a delicious Belgian waffle covered in maple syrup)



Here I am again... feeling discontent. About a waffle maker.. This is so not even worth it.

I think being content is something I have to learn.

Oh & since this blog is about being a better wife, I'll mention my husband too :-) He said go ahead and by the waffle maker, isn't he so sweet :-) He says that to everything I bring to him for discussion. He is so good to me. For now, I'm going to keep looking but know that it's not something I need.



On another topic- I've been thinking of what I'll say for a Thanksgiving prayer, and I keep feeling like God has provided for us in so many ways. I want to really express that, but the words aren't totally there yet. It baffles me, I mean just the fact that we are able to survive on one income, that we have never had to skip a meal, that our children are happy and our house is warm. & not only are we provided for, but we always have more than enough for each day. Thank you God for blessing our family.



God just amazes me. Our God is simply amazing. SO very amazing.

just thinking.

Today I'm day dreaming of home improvement projects. 
My handy husband and a neighbor put more insulation in the attic last weekend before our princess's birthday party.  It wasn't until that evening when we went to bed that I noticed a crack in our ceiling.. yes. a CRACK.  Mr. B lost his balance for a split second while blowing in insulation, barely touching his shoe to the sheet rock.. but that's all it took to land us a crack in the bedroom.  (and thankfully that's all that happened)
Oddly enough, I like it.  It gives our room character.  But it needs to be fixed.  And it won't be an easy fix, since it's about 2 feet long.  We have textured walls/ceilings, so getting it to blend back in will be terribly difficult.  Great. One more thing to add to the to-do list.  Until then, I'm just going to enjoy it :-)  It reminds me that my husband works hard to provide for our family, and wants us to stay warm this winter. awww...

Okay- more seriously need to touch up paint like our whole house.  I can't even begin to count all the places that need to be touched up.  From moving furniture to toys being driven along the walls, we've got at least half a day of paint touch up to do.

I'd like to paint my daughters room, but right now that has been re-purposed to a play room for the winter.  She is camping out w/ the prince.  So we will paint that when we know what we want to do with it.

Some days I want to quickly finish every little project and get this place on the market, other days I just love it and want to keep personalizing it. 
Honestly we could stand to have more living space.  Especially to house all the children we'd like to have.  Once our basement is done I think we will be more content,, and when I say "we", I actually mean that I would be more content.

I am super unhappy with our dining room situation.  I want the table on tile, not carpet, since there are pretty much always spills at meal times, and most of them make it to the carpet.  The space we do have to move the table to tile is tiny.  And I would need to move our massive hutch first. 
I am in love with this farm house table from knock-off wood.  I want a huge dining room table with the option to make it smaller, I have the perfect idea for it, just not the perfect space.

I have no idea what my style is.  I have said for yeeeeears that I want a cute decorated home.  I love the looks of super modern, but also think the farm house style is adorable.  I have a pretty basic ranch home, neutral colored walls/carpet & tile.

I'm typing whatever comes to mind- so the next thing coming to mind is we are thinking of replacing our carpet.  Either with new carpet, or wood flooring.  I think wood floors would look beautiful, and maybe even make our home look bigger if we could do the kitchen also, but holy crap, it's expensive!  Our home is 1568 sq. feet.  So we might be spending like $5000 on a project like that, just for the new materials.  It's hard to be thrifty and justify $5000 for flooring on a 5 year old home.  So the flooring will wait a few more years.

Focus.... I need to focus...

I pulled all the carpet out of our basement, we had several square chunks that we got a cheap soon after we built our house.  They were dirty, & didn't match, but did make it more cozy.

My goal from now until the end of the year is to spend as little as possible on groceries, and put as much money and time as possible into our basement. 
That is after we get Chad's car fixed.. He has a coolant leak, the shop estimated it would cost about $600 to fix.  Which reminds me, we really need to work on an emergency savings account.  My brother has said he will try to fix it first, and if he's unable to (which wont happen, he can fix anything) then we'll take it back to the shop and pay the stupid $600.

I will say without me having a car this week we are saving money (no shopping!).  & I kind of like being stranded at home, I don't have an excuse for not to getting my "chores" done. 
It has allowed me more time to plan for my overnight away from home.  I know I keep talking about that... I'm quite positive it will be a significant adventure for me.

Of course.

• Nausea
• Heart burn
• Sleeping a ton
• light abdominal cramping

and yes.. .of course, a period.  again. 

11 months of trying to conceive and still no luck. 

God knows we're broke, our marriage is in deep crap, but doesn't he also know that we are great parents and will do whatever it takes to raise a happy christian family?

I am so sick of bawling my eyes out every month because PCOS has won again.  My ovaries hurt.  I want to rip them out of my body, curl up in a ball & sleep for a million years.  And as if the physical pain isn't enough this emotional garbage just puts me over the top.  I cannot stop crying, it doesn't matter where I am, what I'm doing.. It comes on so sudden... My eyes fill with tears and within a minute they're running down my face.  It's not even like I'm depressed (although right this minute, I may be feeling a bit of that, it will pass soon), sometimes I'm just so happy I can't help but cry.
 

I give up... I give the crap up. 

I'm not one for "If it happens, it happens".  So maybe it's time that I say I give up.  I don't want this.  Because if I stop hoping for it, and it doesn't happen, then I really have nothing to be discouraged about. 

I like to have a plan.  For e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  I like that a lot.  And when my plans don't work out, I don't adjust well.  I'm not adjusting well to this right now. 

I really thought this was the month.  I really really did. 

But this is all apart of God's plan... I just wish I understood a little of it... Or at least wish I could handle it like an adult and not like a whiny baby. 

Good night blogspot.


PS.. I'm frustrated.. I don't even know what I'm saying.

Holiday Cards

How do you feel about holiday cards?  To our family, they're Christmas cards and when they come we are so excited!  The kids and I just love checking the mail through out December and seeing updated pictures of our family and friends.  Some whom we haven't seen in months, years, and others who we have just recently seen, but it's still great to get an update with what they've been doing. 
I love the hand written notes, those are priceless.  The long winded double sided folded printer paper stuffed in an envelope with a picture is awesome too.  I have hopes of doing those every year, but of course, I am a busy mother of two, and above all a procrastinator.
So, because of my wonderful procrastination habits, I order my Christmas cards online, get them mailed here, address them when I have time and mail them out.  Simple. easy, and affordable.
I do have friends who buy coordinating outfits for their family MONTHS in advance, get pictures done for the card, in addition to the long winded double sided folded printer paper of what they've been up to.  To those of you who do this, you rock, and thank you.. Please keep it up!  To make it a little simpler you may want to use the Shutterfly greeting cards, or Story Cards

As far as a gift idea to go with a few of those holiday cards, why don't you include some canvas wall art?  I had a picture of our wedding rings in a flower made into canvas and it turned out beautiful!  Check out this link to see what Shutterfly has to offer.

I imagine our family will most likely use the basic Christmas cards this year.  There are some really beautiful layouts to chose from.

Have fun!!
Oh & if you're a blogger like me- read this!
Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly, follow the arrow à  http://bit.ly/sfly2010 

I have grown as a mother so much the past couple of years.  I feel blessed to have women in my life who are good examples of what a Godly wife/mother looks like.  Because quite honestly, I'm not so sure I would've gotten it on my own.

So this weekend I am being blessed with the opportunity to attend Heats at home.  Everything I've heard from moms who have gone before, as well as what I've read online makes this sound like it is exactly what I could use right now.

Please pray for God to bless all the moms attending and their families back at home. 

Please pray for my husband and children to be not just okay, but to have a wonderful time bonding together while I'm gone.

I am praying for safe travels for our group of moms going, and for God to open my heart and allow me to learn and gladly receive the blessings of the speakers.

I will take plenty of notes during the workshops & I will gladly share what I learn :-)

Life is great.  Birthday party for our beautiful princess tomorrow, putting insulation in the attic, & loooooving every minute of our life together!  woo hoo!
Next weekend I have the opportunity to go to a moms conference, I'm super excited about that and will post more on that once it happens! 

May God bless each and every one of you precious people reading this! :-)

I will.

Proverbs 31:15

"She also rises while it is yet night,
      And provides food for her household"

So does this mean food like nutrition, or spiritual "food"???  I've read it both ways. 

My goal tomorrow is to be up before my husband.  THIS IS HARD.  The mornings are cold, freezing cold.  My bed is warm, cozy warm.  There are several things to do just after waking, but my goal will be to comfort my king and provide for him all he needs to have a good day at work.

I will prepare for him a warm breakfast, have his cell phone, keys and lunch ready to go.  I will enjoy this, and also enjoy the extra energy I get from being awake early.  I will appreciate the extra time we have together.  I will leave him wanting to return home, not dreading walking in the door and hearing "the list". 

I will.

I will, because I want to do my part for our marriage.  And if I do my part, his part will be easier, and when he's doing his, I'm happy.  I like being happy. 

It's so nice to be happy!

Ps- My beloved took me to our "sweet spot"  for ice cream again tonight.  I love when we get time just the two of us.  It's always much needed and very appreciated. 

I was on facebook today.  Alright, I'm on facebook like, everyday-  But something caught my eye from FamilyLife Weekend to Remember.

 "Wikipedia defines marriage as " a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship." Oh wow - how romantic does that sound, Wikipedia? Really though - how would you define marriage? Give it your best shot!"

I was really disappointed, I mean seriously a legal contract?  Yeah okay, I'll admit there have been times early on in my marriage (during a custody battle we were fighting with my husbands ex) that if we didn't have a legal contract in place, I may not have stuck it out.  We've had our rough patches but we love each other.  I know our marriage is much more than that crappy little definition from Wikipedia.  Wikipedia has been very helpful to me and a great resource normally, but this really let me down.

One FB user responded with:

 "A beautiful picture of Christ's love for us! An unending union between two people who God ordained to be together! A perfectly imperfect union!"

I thought that was an amazing way to define marriage. A Christian marriage is beautiful picture.  The bond, friendship, and true companionship between my husband and I is unlike anything I've ever experienced anywhere other than with Christ.

So how would you define your marriage? 

I'm trying to think of ONE WORD to describe my marriage, but the only thing that comes to mind is indescribable or awesome... I know I can do better than that ;)  

  I will think about this and post when I have an answer.

My husband is watching Cop-Out.  I really had no interest in watching, so I watched an episode of Hoarders on my laptop using head phones.  It was a little bratty, I should have sucked it up and just watched the movie with him, he watches TONS of chick flicks with me. 
Anyway, here's the point:
He just laughed. 
And it reminded me of when I was a kid.  My daddy would laugh so loud when he was watching TV, you'd think the picture frames might rattle right off the walls.  He was happy, and entertained.
I just heard that same laugh from my husband.  It was blissful.

But now I miss my daddy.  Although with my mom staying with us while she's recovering from her knee replacement surgery I am getting to see him much more.  He came to visit this week and took my mom out on a date.  I LOVE that my parents go on dates.  They rock, my husband rocks, my children rock, & GOD rocks! 




Dear God, Thank you for my husband.  Help us, along with all of our friends, family and even those we have not met yet, to treasure the gifts of laughter & marriage.  Amen.

Tools

SHHHHHHHH...
I decided today I am tired of seeing my husband suffer. I would like to somehow organize his/our tools.  I know this is not my place to be doing it, but his tools are NOT organized, most of the time he cannot even find what he's looking for.  He is super frustrated with it, but doesn't take the time to solve the problem. 

So- My plan is to organize what he has, see if I can get by with putting up shelves, or get him a rolling tool chest.  & I have another plan for getting him that without breaking the bank.

My husband is my world, and he does so much to make my world a better place, I really want to help him with this, without upsetting him because I'm messing with HIS stuff. 

Okay, time to pray about this and go where God leads me.

I just love reading craft blogs!  I've been reading this one for H.O.U.R.S.  I have SO many ideas!  Now just to pick out a few I want to actually do and can see myself finishing (I'm so tired of my half finished projects).

I would LOVE to paint (well, have someone else paint) my daughters bed.  Just a simple white, with a gloss. I have been saying this for like a whole year.  It's time to do it!  Any takers?

I should really focus on her room and making it more hers, and less mine.  You see, it was my room when we first built our home.  Then we had our son and needed a room for him, so he took hers, she took mine, and obviously before that point I had moved into my husbands room ( we weren't married when we built this home, so we weren't officially sharing a room).  Long story short, my computer is still in there, my elliptical and a handful of coats/clothes of mine are still in the closet.

So check out that blog, hope it inspires you like it did for me :-)

Hot Date!

My sweetheart and I went on a date tonight, and it was wonderful. 
After dinner, where we split an order of cheesy bread, he took me out for ice cream!  I tried to tell him how silly it was to go pay $1.75 each for an ice cream cone when I had JUST brought home a 4 pack of ice cream sandwiches, for one shiny penny less than a dollar. 
   But he insisted that I was worth it (or maybe he was insisting he wanted a mint chocolate chip ice cream cone).  Either way, we went out for dinner, then to the ice cream shoppe.  Next time he just might even by me a T-shirt from the ice cream joint (I'd take the pink one in a medium).
We happily ran down the side walks of main street together, giggling, like we were teens and it was our first date (please, tell me that's still what teens do for their first date? okay, I know it isn't, but they should, it was pure fun!). 
Great evening!  Now we're back home, time to lay our heads down upon our pillows and dream about the memories we created tonight.

Ps- It's so much easier to handle a toddler on a sugar high and a tired quiet little girl after a couple hours away.  Thanks to the grandparents for watching the little ones tonight, and feeding them too (even if it was just ice cream and fortune cookies! haha!).

Feeling accomplished

I am feeling so very accomplished today. 

I let the kids eat ice cream on the carpet.  You know what I mean, not sitting at the counter which has tile under it for easy clean up. & my kids didn't even spill!  They're awesome!

I finally washed the pans that have been in the sink since yesterday afternoon.  I hate going to bed with dishes in the sink, but not as much as I hate washing pans.

I finished a book (The Five People You Meet In Heaven).  Great book!  Once my mom finishes it we'll be renting the movie from Netflix.

&.... THE BEST PART OF MY DAY- I put the kids to bed on the first try.  After I read this book to them, Just in case You Ever Wonder.

Now I'm even going to bed early, with my husband, whom I had very few spats with today.

Life is good.  Very good.  Actually life is nearly perfect.

My husband is in the shower as I type this...

TMI Alert:  Hear it comes...
My husband is in the shower as I type this. 
When we were first married I would hear him turn the water on and as quickly as I could I would strip down, buck naked and jump in with him...

Now we've been together for 6 wonderful years and I do still do that on the rare occasion, but not tonight.

Tonight all I can think of is "Holy crap, I'm glad he's paying the water bill, that is one LONG shower!"

I'm sure his body needs it.  He's been working his tail off on our basement and now has all of the "sticks" up (and sore muscles to prove it).  We're ready for an electrician and a plumber to come in & do their thing.  Then we can get back to hanging more sheet rock.  This time I hope he asks for help with doing it (and preferably not my help, although I love him dearly, home improvement is not my area, and sheet rock is HEAVY!).

F.A.Q- Answered

Are you having marital problems?

Are you getting a divorce?

What's going on with your marriage?

These are all questions that Mr. B & I have heard recently as a result of this blog.  I'll take them apart, one by one and answer them the best I can.

Are you having marital problems?
This is hard to answer.  You see, we recognize there are issues and we try to tackle them before they become a problem.  I feel like every married couple has problems.  There are no perfect marriages.  My husband and I have a great relationship, we are devoted to each other and very much in love.  But we also know we aren't perfect.  We just aren't.  And really, neither are you (you as a whole, not singling out any one person). My blogging is my way of telling you "us too".  I will blog more on this at a later time, but when you're in the heat of an argument with your spouse and you feel like you're the only one in the world going through what you are, just know... "us too".  We've been there or will be at some point, and it's okay.  We want to understand and help you grow in your marriage. 

Are you getting a divorce?
NO.  I'll say it again, NO.  It's that simple.  We love each other, we love our children and the big D word just is not going to happen (although I'd be a hot item on the market... okay, okay.. I'm kidding!  lighten up!).  If you feel like because we can't agree on every single thing, and I'm making it public, that we are going to separate... I'm sorry.  You've misunderstood, that's not what this blog is about. 

What's going on with your marriage?
Actually a really great thing is going on in our marriage.  My husband and I were wed because we wanted to.  We loved each other, but we didn't truly LOVE each other.  It wasn't until we came to Christ that we realized the fire we had burning within our hearts for Him, and for each other.  Now that we have this amazing connection with God our marriage is the most blissful it has EVER been.  We know where to go to get answers to our problems, we are much more compassionate to each other, our intimacy... well, that is just off the charts.  Good things are happening in our marriage. 

Unfortunately there are still bad things happening around us that effect our marriage and our family too.  No matter what, we are in it for the long haul.  Together.

A reason to stay married, I have many.. Here is one.

"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce.  The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage."  ~Robert Anderson

Today, I want to share one of the reasons why I want to stay married (I praise Jesus that I have MANY reasons I want to stay married, this is just one of the cool examples). 

My husband is an excellent shopper..  When (& ONLY when) he wants to be.  I had a MOPS meeting tonight & the princess had Girl Scouts.  That left the prince and the king to entertain themselves, they had a fun time shopping!  The king lets the prince run walk through the store, which is way cool that he can pull that off. I cannot, so the prince is stuck riding IN the cart, and usually strapped in too when he's with this Queen Bee!  It's boring, I know.  But it works for us.

Anyway, my king brought back many goods, and all for only $6.99!  Does your husband grocery shop?  If he does, does he bargain shop?  Or does he only buy what you have put on a list for him?

Confessions & Coupons

Ah, a good nights sleep, a warm shower, and now I'm feeling very refreshed. 
I was just searching the web for other blogs and I ran across this one called True Wife Confessions.  The first few I read I thought were outrageously rude.  Then I read this one:

Confession #3159

"I am sorry that I set up a trap for you to fall into, and then blew up at you when you did what you thought I wanted you to do. It wasn't fair, and I am sorry. I am so glad we can talk about it - rationally - and I could apologize to you. I love you, and old patterns are hard to correct, but I think we can just keep trying. Thank you for loving me - when I feel very unlovable."

I think that's exactly what I should say to my husband.  Our arguments last night were mostly because of the traps I set for him. 

Little things, but 12 little things equals a dozen, and a dozen is more than a handful.  And if you have more than a handful it may be hard to handle. 

Here is an example of one of our bickering moments last night:  
Me: "Did you shut the lights off in the garage?"  After I had already peeked out the peep hole and saw that he hadn't shut the lights off.
Hubby: "No, I haven't yet"
Me: "Are you serious??  It's midnight, you haven't been out there for 2 hours, and you STILL have the light on?  You've got to be joking, you already shut it off, didn't you?"
Hubby: "NO!  Why would I joke about that?  If it pisses you off, you go shut the light off, or I'll get it later".
Me: "Whatever" & I walked away expressing what I quite often tell the princess is BAD BODY LANGUAGE.  Crossed arms, huffing and puffing, nasty look on my face.

I had no right to look for something to fight about.  I coulda/shoulda shut the light off myself and went to bed.  But I was too busy being a brat.  A freakin' brat.  & That's probably not the last time we'll have a disagreement like that.  But for now, I'm on my way outside to say I AM SORRY.

Outside, because my husband has graciously taken the children out in the yard (that he planted, and takes care of) to play catch while I have some alone time.  He is so amazing sometimes. :-)  I just can't get enough of him!

This is a good day.  A very good day.

Bonus note:  I took the princess grocery shopping with me and taught her how to use coupons.  We'll keep practicing this, but I was SO proud of her.  I'm going to say it again PROUD!!  I showed her the 'day old bakery' section of the store, and explained that a cream cheese coffee cake was only ONE DOLLAR!  She shook her head, pushed her cart away and said "nah, I'm going to stick to my coupons today".  Needless to say, I had to pass on it too.

So we came home and put 5 loaves of pumpkin bread in the oven. I used my grandma's recipe.  This is the first I've made pumpkin bread, I am very excited to see how it turns out.

This day you wouldn't even know I was trying to save my marriage.  It seems like all I did this day was complain, nag and well, bitch.  Oh, and fold laundry.  Like 9 loads of laundry.  BLAH!!!
We're trying to cut down TV time in our house.  We started over a year ago with canceling cable.  We haven't said the kids have a certain number of hours a week to watch TV, but if we aren't busy, we try to think of other things they can do than veg in front of the tube.  I read an article from Family Life about taming the media in our homes that really fired me up to do more.  I also met a new mom from our playgroup this week and we talked about monitoring screen time with the kids.  So it's on my mind.
Well, this was CLEARLY not the day to start this.  My room-mate (yes, that's what it felt like today) was adding more walls to our "work in progress" basement.  I was doing laundry the whole darn day, on top of all my other chores, and watching a 3 year old like a hawk so he didn't pee in his favorite Tow-Mater underwear causing more chores for me to do. 
So this day just didn't go as I wanted it to.  I set the bar a little too high.  I've been saying for a year that the first weekend in October we'd be going to a pumpkin patch/apple orchard.  My room-mate had already decided (only a week ago) that this was the weekend he was "finishing" stick building the basement.  Well, neither one of us met our goals. 
I was so angry at my printer today for putting ink all over every envelope I printed on, not in the spots I wanted ink.  Not just little dots of ink, but smears of nasty black ink ruining every thing I tried to make perfect.  I did it again, set the bar too high.  Thinking I could just click a button on the computer and magically my work would be done.  I could walk away and let 350 envelopes get printed how I needed, then I would come back and put them in a box, set them aside and be ready for my MOPS meeting in a couple weeks. 
So every time someone would come in the room as an envelope was shooting out of the printer with wet ink smeared on it, it was their fault.  This went on for about an hour before my husband insisted that I just "take a break" from it.

I did, I took a break. 

And as soon as I did, well, what a surprise, he needed me for something.  It wasn't a "honey you're frustrated, walk away and cool off".  It was a "Hey, stop doing what you're doing, because it would be more convenient for me if you would stand here and hold this tape measure over your head while balancing on one of your favorite folding chairs I broke and covered in sheet rock mud" kind of way.  If you've been in my basement, you know the chair I'm talking about.

I really shouldn't be so mad, I mean I usually feel like whatever I'm doing is more important than what he is doing and I would like him to help me, regardless of the urgency of his project.  And hey, if I can make it seem like it's for his benefit, that's even better, right?

Okay so it's the end of the day now, I feel like a jerk for how I've acted, and now that I've come back to the computer the envelopes are printing okay.  I guess I just needed a break.
Sometimes, we all just.need.a.break.
How do you squeeze in your breaks?  I feel so guilty whenever I do anything for myself, even reading my bible.  There are not enough hours in the day for me to wake up before the kids to read, and once they go to bed I'm cleaning up after the messes everyone has made for the day.
I want to get away sometimes, like go out for lunch just me and my husband, or go to a movie.  But then again, I feel guilty.  Even though I feel like I am worth so much for all I do for this house, and my family, I still regret spending money on myself, because I don't actually earn money.

That reminds me.. funny story.. kind of..
On Tuesday I went to Wal-Mart to buy a new toothbrush, to be sure my smile looked its best for my upcoming dentist appointment.  My only 2 month old brush had stopped working :-( 
  I used my birthday money from my father-in-law to buy new electric toothbrushes for the whole family back in July.  I was kind of peeved that everyone else's was still working, but mine had quit (considering how bad I really wanted to spend that money on a massage, but knew it wasn't practical). 
   I picked out and bought a new red toothbrush, same model, just a different color.  I got it home and realized as I'm looking at the diagram on the back of the package.............I had my batteries in wrong... I switched them around and ta-da, it works like new again.  & now I have a new toothbrush for when one of ours really does quit working. 

I'm tired, I really don't want to keep blogging, or try to make sense of what I already wrote.
Basically, I wish I wasn't trying to tame the media today.  Letting the children watch TV all day would've been a great option.  I could've focused on what I needed to get done.  My handy man could've been much handier without the distractions.  And undoubtedly there would've been a whole lot less tattling & crying being done by the kids. 
I wish I hadn't mapped out the whole weekend a year in advance.  I am an obsessive planner, calendar clutter, 'my way or the highway' kind of gal sometimes.  It rarely causes this much disappointment, but when it does, it sure doesn't feel good.

It's late, and all I want to do now is go lay in the arms of my beloved. 
I thank God that we have many more good days than bad.  And this whole day wasn't terrible, we did have quite a few good times.  But when I'm angry, it's hard to think of those.

A trip to the library

The prince and I too a trip to the local library today.  I found a few books and put my name on a waiting list for "The Last Song".  One of the books I read today was called "A Short Guide to a Happy Life" by Anna Quindlen.
In the book she writes:

  "Consider the lilies of the field.  Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear.  Read in the back yard with the sun on your face.  Learn to be happy.  And think of life as a terminal illness, because, if you do, you will live it with joy and passion, as it ought to be lived."

Shocking.  Terminal illnesses scare me.  My mother in law and brother in law both recently died of cancer.  When I consider that life is a terminal illness and we just have to make the best of it, I don't totally relate.  I think life is wonderful already, so to say it is this terminal illness it doesn't catch me.

But what does catch me, is considering this... What if my husband had a terminal illness.  Imagine how stupid fighting over sticky syrup on the table would be.  Or how stupid it would be fighting about "You saw the cat puke on the carpet but didn't clean it up?" or the never ending.. "You didn't have time to go grocery shopping, but you did have time to update your facebook status and respond to all 10 posts".

Yes, if we could live this way we would be much happier, because we would put aside all the silly little things.  But this is really MUCH easier said, than done.

Quote of the day

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. 

~Barnett R. Brickner

Meal Time Makeover- Day 3.. Perfect?

It's day 3 and things are going well!  Just a quick update, Chad's breakfast was these homemade granola bars.  I made a batch yesterday so he will be able to take those all week if he chooses to.  Simple and so much better for him than the store bought, although I'm sure I can find an even healthier recipe, this is what we're doing for now.
He made his lunch.  We had a nice chat over the phone while he ate.
For supper we struggled, do we order pizza, make taco's (yes, we also have a taco Tuesday night)... or eat frozen chicken patties again.  We went with the frozen chicken patties, I think their simplicity and flavor are both addicting. 
During supper my sweetheart and I both were teasing the princess with "LOOK! A baby mongoose" and dipping our sandwiches her ranch when she wasn't looking. 
  She's catches on pretty quick.  She, without a word, got up and grabbed the ranch bottle.  She strutted her stuff over to the table and before I could say a word or get my hand up to stop her was pouring half the bottle of ranch onto my plate (you ever have those bottles that just POUR out when you only want a dab, this is one of those).  OH MY! We haven't laughed that hard in a long time!  I mean I laughed so hard  I cried!!  What else was I to do? I had half my plate loaded with ranch, so we decided to put what we could back into the bottle. 
Then my sweetheart got up and announced he would be having a salad.  LOL!  Of course using the dressing that was left on my plate.
The princess felt bad and cried, then was embarrassed that we were laughing, but she worked through it quickly.  The little prince thought it was quite funny too, lets hope he doesn't mimic this one!  I don't think it would be funny two nights in a row!

Highlights of my day:

• The one on one time I had with each family member, even if I didn't get any time to myself. 
• The awesome playdate this morning.
• Grocery shopping.
• Turning in old video games for store credit at Gamers.
• Good phone conversations with my daddy.
• Lunch with my mom.
• A family walk.
• A hilarious family dinner.
• And now blogging.  I think I might actually like blogging!

 Today was a success, a true success!

More from Proverbs 31:

"Her husband trusts her without reserve,
   and never has reason to regret it."

My notes:

Our phone conversation at lunch my husband expressed a worry he had.  It was a ridiculous worry, to me anyway.  But rather than tear him down about it, I was there for him, comforting him and letting him know he could trust in me.  I do not want to give him reason to regret that trust, so although I wont share with you what we were discussing, just know we have problems, just like you do.  We all do.  It's okay, no person or relationship is perfect.

Definition of perfect:

being complete of its kind and without defect or blemish; "a perfect circle"; "a perfect reproduction"; "perfect happiness"; "perfect manners"; "a perfect specimen"; "a perfect day"

We are all blemished, I can't even draw a PERFECT circle, perfect reproduction, don't even get me started.  Perfect happiness, manners and specimen, a perfect day.. hmmmm sounds too good to be true, because it is!  We aren't meant to be perfect.

Goal: Meal Time Makeover- Day 2.

I call this Day 2 of my meal time Makeover challenge. Only because that means I have 1 day behind me and I'm further along on my journey. So far, not so good! :(
All day yesterday we were building a bathroom in the basement. We had to move furniture (again!) to be able to put up the new walls. I was great help with that, and carrying lumber down the stairs. But then I took a break to come blog and check facebook. The break was totally unnecessary and only set us back because there was one set of hands working, not two.

So when I had supper ready (chicken patty sandwiches, broccoli, apples, grapes and potato salad- weekends we eat up leftovers) and my husband wasn't finished with what he was doing, ready to come sit at the table I set with our best dishes, I was ticked.  I mean come on, I was slaving away reheating food and had to put his chicken back in the microwave TWICE! Rather than being grateful that he was doing something I literally couldn't do, and he was improving our home, I over reacted and accused him of not caring that I had supper ready.

 I'd say that was a FAILED attempt at handling meal times better.

So this morning I hopped out of bed, made him waffles, with a smile on my face and packed his lunch for today. I stacked his work gear on the counter for him and even dug out his jacket from the closet, since it was COLD today.

He whole time, I was hungry, had to pee and wanted to be back in my warm bed. The smell of his blueberry waffles was incredible, and I was missing out. Poor me, huh? Well not really. Because after he left for work I felt great that I had started our day nicely. I felt so great in fact that I told  'Miss Princess' I would drive her to school so she didn't have to ride the bus!

The start of a great day also had me getting my coffee pot out of the basement and brewing a pot to enjoy throughout the day.  Wonderful!
~~~~~
We initiated themed meal nights awhile back when we were b.r.o.k.e.  We needed to save money, and Mac N' Cheese is cheap (short term anyway, long term this prepackaged powdered cheese could be terrible for our health & rack up millions in medical bills.. okay, I wont let it go THAT far). Either way, along came Mac N' Cheese Monday! The kids absolutely love this. So tonight's dinner will be easy to prepare, and I will have no excuse for a poor attitude.

Proverbs 31:12 (Amplified Bible):

"She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her."

My journey to becoming a slightly better wife.

I found my old diary today. This is a dairy from 1999, I was in middle school. My parents had separated for a year, my oldest brother joined the army, my second oldest brother was in his senior year of high school. He was in love and was getting married. He was my best friend, and he was moving on. Which left me, alone.
I was totally hormonal, boy crazy and just wanting to be loved. I wrote about several boys in my diary. It's no wonder I didn't have serious meaningful relationships with any of them. I was just too obsessed with being perfectly loved. Loved in the way that I thought love should be, which is far different than how love is in reality. I had no interest in loving someone back, only having my own needs met.

Finding this diary was kind of fun, but also opened up a lot more emotions than I wanted it to. I wrote about bulimia, anorexia, fasting, and all other ways that I tried to gain control of myself. None of which were healthy and have only caused problems, nothing good has come from them.

The feelings I had then have resurfaced over the years.

I have to admit something, If you haven't already guessed... I have issues. I think we all have issues, but I just have these major issues I can't get past. I'm not 100% happy in my marriage. Okay... That is SO embarrassing, and humiliating, and I do NOT in any way mean to degrade my husband by saying this. But, I am sometimes bored to tears. Seriously, I will just start crying thinking of how boring my life is. I want fun, I want spontaneity, I want to be head over heals in love. I want to be taken out on dates, I want to be romanced. I just want MORE! Isn't that what we all want? I just don't deserve it. I am an average wife, but I want to be a GREAT wife. Or at least a slightly better wife.

I'm ready to tackle my search for a blissful marriage. I am thankful to have a relationship with Jesus. I will lean on Jesus to fill my tank. I will find the answers to my questions in the Bible. I will be praying more than ever before and asking for His guidance, reading His word and above all, TRUSTING in Him.

Thought of the day: I know that I tell my husband I love him, but do I show him?
My goal: Show my husband I love him by having his meals hot and ready for him to enjoy. Do not expect him to help clear the table, insist that he doesn't, wash up the dishes without so much as a sigh. No matter how tired I am. Just get through it, for 1 week.

Disclaimer: The problems in my marriage are not because of my husband. My problems in my marriage are all my own. I know I'm not giving 'my all'. My husband is an amazing person.