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In my last post on being strong-willed I briefly talked about
the conference I went to and what it meant to be strong willed. I want to assure any of you strong willed
women who are reading this that your personality type, when used correctly, is a gift from God.
This is NOT a character flaw, okay? Just repeat that a few times before you move
on.
I know not all my readers are married or even moms, or have
lead a life even remotely similar to mine, so if you can’t relate to these
examples try to brainstorm ways that your strong-willed personality has been a
blessing to you.
Here are a
few of my experiences:
I’ll start with when I was a teen working at a pizza
place. I had two different grown men who
on separate occasions would come in and try to be overly friendly- but honestly
downright weird with me. Another trusted
adult said these guys were harmless; ignore it, they’d been coming in for
years. They said I was overreacting;
they weren’t interested in me, just off kilter.
Okay, whatever.
I believed that for a moment, even after I had a bible and
blanket thrown at my feet as a sign of this 50-something’s love for me (this
really made me afraid of and confused by Christianity. People, it’s true that sometimes YOU are the
only Jesus people may see. Choose your
words and actions wisely). This one guy
constantly came behind the counter and knelt at my feet to worship me and pray ‘with
me’. Practically every Saturday morning
I’d get a visit from one of these two guys.
I called the cops so many times that summer. I’m very thankful they always took me seriously
and came to my rescue to scare him off. After
a few months though, I had enough. I
chose NOT to be passive and instead stood up for myself against these clearly
mentally unstable people. One of the men
was later hauled off by the cops when he showed up at my work place one evening
and threatened someone with a spear. You
read that right, a spear! I thank God I
wasn’t there and that no one was harmed.
I KNOW that being strong-willed probably saved my life that summer.
Back track a few years, I think I was in middle school. I had an innocent crush on a kid who was in
the same grade as one of my older brothers.
The kid knew this (because I called him all.the.time), and was a jerk to
me in front of everyone else (I was 4
years younger. That’s a big deal when
you’re a boy in high school and a middle school girl likes you. I get that now). I cried big crocodile tears because he said he
didn’t like me. Once he had me alone he apologized
and dropped his pants asking me to do things that I was NOT okay with
doing. I was like 12! I didn’t even want
to kiss him, but would’ve been over the moon with just holding hands.
My strong-willed personality allowed me to give him a firm
NO, a shove, and a threat that made him never EVER try anything like that
again. He still won’t make eye contact
with me, and that was 16 years ago!
In my late teens early 20’s my strong-willed personality
helped me be a good leader in the work place.
It led our team to higher efficiency.
As a young housewife my strong-willed personality being used
selfishly caused the crash of one of the most fun friendships I ever had. In retrospect I’m glad it happened. It was best for both of us to no longer be
friends. But I so badly wish it wasn’t
my fault and that I wasn’t the one carrying all the guilt of my actions causing
so much pain and awkwardness among each other and our friends. If I had used my personality correctly I
could’ve set some firm boundaries that would’ve benefited both of us. We could’ve slowly separated and remained
friends instead of becoming instant enemies.
2 years ago the combination of me and our pediatrician both
being strong willed, led to testing that determined our youngest daughter’s
heart condition.
Being
strong willed as a wife has led me to fight for my husband’s happiness and
health. It allowed me to stand by his
side during a custody battle and not get weary or back down. It allowed me to get him the care he needed
when we found a lump on the back of his head.
The control of my strong-willed personality is what
earned me the place standing over the operating table guiding the doctor as my
husband had that lump removed for the second time, because it grew back.
You see the first time I wasn’t motivating the doctor to do
it right, I was PUSHING the doctor and telling him how to do his job. Now
a part of me wants to point out that if this doctor would’ve listened to me, we
wouldn’t have been back in for a second surgery. As far as I know that’s all true and
everything, but I wasn’t using my “power” for good, I was using it to be right.
This is probably way too late in the post to have this be
very effective, but I need to tell you that being submissive, and honoring God
by controlling your gift of being strong-willed DOES NOT MEAN that you need to
endure any sort of abuse.
It simply means (I’m quoting this from the conference because
I don’t want to summarize it and have it come across wrong):
“Submission
is an attitude of the heart that says we want to show our love for Christ
through the way we voluntarily place the goal of oneness within the marriage
before our own selfish desires.” –Dr. Debbie Cherry
If you have read this and decided that you too are
strong-willed, here’s what you can do:
For one, pray that God would show you how to use your personality for his glory.
Notice I’m not saying pray for God to change your spouse/kids so you don’t
have to repeat yourself over and over.
Pray that YOU are changed.
Don’t freak out over every little thing, set some
realistic expectations.
Stop making excuses. “My mom raised me this way, so that’s why I
yell and nag”. “If you listened the
first time I wouldn’t be yelling now”.
Begin to delegate out some of your duties. You KNOW they won’t be done exactly to your
liking, but just suck it up and say thank you anyway. Praise is more effective than criticism.
I
personally have decided I don’t care how my bath towels are folded, as long as
I can find a clean one when I need it.
This was a huge release for me, as I’ve nagged about how bath towels need
to be folded in thirds not quarters for about 8 years! I even corrected my father-in-law for folding
them wrong. Who the heck complains about
their father-in-law helping with laundry?
Some ungrateful woman using her strong-willed personality incorrectly,
that’s who! Never again!
Focus your heart and mind on the happiness and
needs of others, not yourself.
And just for fun- STOP rearranging the food at
every gathering you go to. If someone
wants a scotcheroo bar they’ll find it, even if it isn’t placed next to all the
other desserts and in alphabetical order! haha. kidding. kind of.
If you are interested in checking out the book Dr. Debbie Cherry wrote
on this topic click the Amazon affiliate link below:
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