Of course.

• Nausea
• Heart burn
• Sleeping a ton
• light abdominal cramping

and yes.. .of course, a period.  again. 

11 months of trying to conceive and still no luck. 

God knows we're broke, our marriage is in deep crap, but doesn't he also know that we are great parents and will do whatever it takes to raise a happy christian family?

I am so sick of bawling my eyes out every month because PCOS has won again.  My ovaries hurt.  I want to rip them out of my body, curl up in a ball & sleep for a million years.  And as if the physical pain isn't enough this emotional garbage just puts me over the top.  I cannot stop crying, it doesn't matter where I am, what I'm doing.. It comes on so sudden... My eyes fill with tears and within a minute they're running down my face.  It's not even like I'm depressed (although right this minute, I may be feeling a bit of that, it will pass soon), sometimes I'm just so happy I can't help but cry.
 

I give up... I give the crap up. 

I'm not one for "If it happens, it happens".  So maybe it's time that I say I give up.  I don't want this.  Because if I stop hoping for it, and it doesn't happen, then I really have nothing to be discouraged about. 

I like to have a plan.  For e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  I like that a lot.  And when my plans don't work out, I don't adjust well.  I'm not adjusting well to this right now. 

I really thought this was the month.  I really really did. 

But this is all apart of God's plan... I just wish I understood a little of it... Or at least wish I could handle it like an adult and not like a whiny baby. 

Good night blogspot.


PS.. I'm frustrated.. I don't even know what I'm saying.