Church Family: Feeling Disconnected? Be The Change You Want to See~Part 2

This is part 2 in a series on my feeling discontent and disconnected within my church family.  You can skim Part 1 Here.

 

So here I am, on my quest to be the change I wanted to see.



I thought about changing churches.  I really did.  I even had my new church all picked out, but then someone complained about their pastor being "fake".  I knew my pastors were real and I appreciated that.  Now granted, this was just an opinion, but it did shift my thinking.  

The other problem I had was my husband is active in the church and serves on a couple different boards.  You can't just up and leave when you're doing that.  Oh and he didn't want to go anywhere, that was kind of a big road block. 

I decided running away from my problems weren't going to fix them. Great thought, right?  Yeah, I know, very original.    I also decided that my thinking was so misconstrued that I didn't actually KNOW what my problem really was.

My first step was to pray that God would clearly define for me my problems and make it clear for me to find a way to fix them.

I prayed every door would slam shut and that the only open door would be the one I needed to walk through to fix this.  I prayed the light would be shining bright and I would just know it was right.

 First I had to identify my problem.  One of them was as a mom with a baby in the pew, I had NO IDEA what the sermon was about.  I’ll be honest, most weeks I couldn’t even quote one word the pastor said except maybe “welcome”, and that’s just a guess.  Even if my baby was sitting perfectly still (hey, it happened once!)  I just couldn’t center my heart to be fully there. 

I had to adjust this by putting my sweet girl in the nursery.  Now this comes natural for most people, but not for me.  It was a stretch to trust someone else to care for my child without having a clue what was going on.  My husband and I also had different opinions on this at different times, but never the same opinion at the same time.  You ladies know what I’m talking about, don’t you?  By God’s grace we settled with trying it for a few weeks and if it absolutely didn’t work out, we would just reevaluate.  

It’s been about 6 weeks now, and it’s going well.  Sometimes she goes straight to the nursery; sometimes she “earns” her ticket there by being a normal obscene toddler and too fidgety for church.

 

The other issue was I “knew” everyone, but didn’t really “know” anyone.  I desire deeper relationships.  This is new.  I’m normally just fine with being acquaintances and not knowing people too personally. 

God has changed me here.  Not everyone likes it, and I don’t always even like it, but it is just my reality right now.  I’m embracing it.  I care so deeply about people.  All people.  People I have never met, people I’ve known forever, people I swore I didn’t like, people I was paranoid that didn’t like me, really.all.people.  I love them all.    Love.them.   This comes with a cost (any Once Upon a Time fans here?  I'll tell you all about it someday when  I get it all figured out).

In an effort to get to know people better my husband and I started a “hang out” small group at our church during our kids’ Promiseland (Bible School).   This not only got us talking with the people in the group, but it’s also encouraged me to invite other people in, & to talk to more people in the hallways.  It made church feel like home.  They let us move furniture to accommodate our group.  If moving furniture was a love language, it’d be in my top 3.  ;)

 

I am working with a couple ladies in the church on a kitchen remodeling project.  Working with women who have experienced more years than I, and have been in the church longer was such a blessing.   Their wisdom as well as their frequent requested trips to the church helped me feel welcome.  I want to share more of this with you, but that will be another post. 

 

We started eating dinner at church.  Our church offers a free will offering meal each week.  It used to seem overwhelming to get all the kids there, fill their plates, set them down and hope they ate without complaining or spilling.  Or both and embarrassing me terribly. 

Now I look forward to our Wednesday evening meals.  It’s my little break from the kitchen.  Young moms NEED this, and I’m so thankful our church offers it.  It spiritually fills me to enjoy a meal prepared by others while I fellowship with my church family.  I try to worry less about the kids eating perfectly, and worry more about the person sitting across from me feeling welcome.   I try to plant a seed of familiarity in them while we eat together and later when I see them they are no longer a stranger, but friend who with time, will grow to be family.

 

These little steps have helped me feel more content within the church walls.  Sermons are hitting me hard when I'm not wrestling with a toddler.  I'm taking notes that I can reread and research throughout the week.   I'm learning things I never knew. 

These are all good things for helping me feel connected.  I have so many ideas for ways to help our church grow and I’m finally feeling confident that I am the right person to help bring these changes.  I NEVER thought I’d be saying that, but that’s just how God works.  When we let him, he moves us in great big ways. 

Girl Talk: The 5 Minute Comparison Game

Fact: I want to keep improving myself and everything around me for as long as I’m living. 

 

One way I work to improve myself is by spending time in my Bible.  Now that doesn’t always mean my actual bible.  That often times means using my Bible app for 5 or 10 minutes (usually just 5) while I wait for whatever it is I’m waiting for: food to cook, a kid to bring up their laundry, everyone to get to the couch for movie night, a pot to boil, etc.

As easy as it is to sneak in Bible time just 5 minutes at a time, it’s also equally as easy to let corrupt thoughts enter our minds, just 5 minutes at a time.

The thoughts I’m thinking of specifically are those of comparison. 

Let me take a minute to admit that I'd like to think I’m writing this for all of you and that I don’t have a problem here.  That’s just not true though, I do have a problem.

5 minutes on Pinterest suddenly makes me feel like I need to paint something or tear out a wall in my home to open things up a bit, because well, it looked good on Pinterest!  Ugh, OMG, my home isn’t good enough!  I am so embarrassed to live HERE. 

5 minutes in a conversation with a friend about how they talked to one of their friends and all of a sudden I’m feeling like OUR friendship isn’t a true friendship.   I mean how could be?  Because everything they just said makes it sound like they are so much closer with the other friend than they are with me.  Besides, that other friend finds out everything way before I do.  Hmm, I must not be that important to her!  I must be boring because her conversation with so-and-so sounds so much deeper/better/more fun than this one we are having! I give up trying.

5 minutes with my nose in a fashion magazine and I’m no longer in love with the clothes in my closet that I loved so much the day I bought them, or even yesterday for that matter!  I am horrible at fashion, just horrible! And I'm fat, but I'll worry about that when I'm done eating this eggless cookie dough..  OH brother, I need a stylist!  Maybe I’ll get one of those online stylists to do the shopping for me and send me things that will make me look amazing.  Yeah, that'll fix it!

Followed by:  Wait… I can’t afford that.  Oh how I hate that ALL our money goes so quickly each month.  All my friends are so perfect and rich because they NEVER have these thoughts or struggles like I do! Oh their husbands must make $XXX,XXX for a salary.. and it goes ON AND ON AND ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. 

Girls, I don’t always feel like this, but there are times I do.  It happens little by little.  5 minutes at a time.  I think you probably feel like this too occasionally.  Maybe we could just pray for each other to be content and happy with ourselves and our current situations, whatever they are?  God Knows.

Little by little, just 5 minutes at a time, my bible tells me:

2 Corinthians 10:12 ESV

Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.

 

Galatians 1:10 ESV

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Romans 12:2 ESV

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Ephesians 2:8 AMP

 For it is by free grace (God’s unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God.

Philippians 2:3 ESV

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

 

#Lovebirds Photo Challenge

 

It's a sad fact that every funeral or special event slideshow I've had to prepare lacks photos of the mom/wife.  Everyone knows that, & we all joke about it. But it's not a joke, it's real.
 

HEY LADY, HOP IN THAT PICTURE!!!
 

I'm not yelling at you, really.  I'm just trying to encourage you, okay? No excuses about your physical appearance, those have already been burned out by me over the past several years. 

 

Here's the real deal: Not only are the moms not in the pictures, but when doing slideshows of couples about the only pictures to be found of the two together are those of when they first started dating, & sometimes that photo is 30-40 years old.  Those pictures are priceless yes, but I want pictures of my husband and I to be priceless AND abundant. 

 

I want my children to have so many pictures of their daddy and I that it makes them *almost* sick.  I want them to see our love and playfulness jump right out of the pictures.  I want not only to make the memories, but to document them too.

 

Challenge: Life gets busy, believe me I know.  Please dear ladies, don't let life get so busy this week that you put off getting some pictures of you and your lover boy (eww, IDK why, but that term totally creeps me out, you too?) together. 
 

If you post them on social media use the hashtag #lovebirds, to let the world know how crazy in love you are!

 

 

Church Family: Feeling Disconnected? Be The Change You Want to See~Part 1

 

Something has been on my mind and I just can't sort it out.  So naturally I come here, to my little corner of the World Wide Web, and literally the corner of our home. 

You see for the past couple years I've been telling my husband that I feel like I'm not growing at church, I don't feel connected. I like our church, I like the people, but I haven't felt truly plugged in.

I was in this weekly repetition of going to church, sitting through church, saying hi to a few people and then leaving.  I did genuinely try to live like a Christian throughout the week not just on church days.  That wasn't good enough for me though.

My husband however always felt connected and like he's growing.  He was kind to me about it, but firm.  We weren't leaving the church he so greatly enjoyed just because I wasn't liking it at that moment. 

Well, I was sure it must just be me then.  I'm broken.  I mean between being pregnant, breastfeeding, raising littles, getting my period each month, just the fact that I'm a girl, I'm the baby of the family (drama queen), etc, etc, etc- my emotions can get so outta hand.  So I thought I was selfish, alone and blowing this out of proportion.

I let it go for awhile.  And by let it go, I mean I held it in so tight that I finally BURST! 

This was actually a good thing.  The burst, not the holding it in.  I don't suggest you hold it in, but if you have already then I do suggest you let it out!  The truth can be so freeing!

So I talked with one of our pastors about what I was feeling.  I started talking to my friends about it.  I started talking to other church members about it.  I didn't complain about it, but really asked for advice. I needed all the help I could get.

Through this I learned that many others felt the same way as my husband did, they were plugged in, spiritually growing, and doing just fine.  Then there were others, like me, that were also feeling stuck.  I could tell from our talks that they truly did feel this way, they weren't just agreeing with me.  Believe me, people don't just agree with me naturally, I'm a little "out there" with my thinking sometimes.  Passionate, I like to call it. :)

I went on a quest to be the change I wanted to see, rather than just run away from my problems like I typically do. 

This worked, but not exactly in the way I had hoped for it to. 

Do you want to know what happened?  I'll tell you!  But later, okay?  I have kids to teach right now! 

What's on my Mind Wednesday

 

 

Just a simple, but I suppose easily made complex, thought on my mind today.

Kid are constantly asking "Why?".  Why do a majority of adults have trouble with asking "Why?"