Church Family: Feeling Disconnected? Be The Change You Want to See~Part 2

This is part 2 in a series on my feeling discontent and disconnected within my church family.  You can skim Part 1 Here.

 

So here I am, on my quest to be the change I wanted to see.



I thought about changing churches.  I really did.  I even had my new church all picked out, but then someone complained about their pastor being "fake".  I knew my pastors were real and I appreciated that.  Now granted, this was just an opinion, but it did shift my thinking.  

The other problem I had was my husband is active in the church and serves on a couple different boards.  You can't just up and leave when you're doing that.  Oh and he didn't want to go anywhere, that was kind of a big road block. 

I decided running away from my problems weren't going to fix them. Great thought, right?  Yeah, I know, very original.    I also decided that my thinking was so misconstrued that I didn't actually KNOW what my problem really was.

My first step was to pray that God would clearly define for me my problems and make it clear for me to find a way to fix them.

I prayed every door would slam shut and that the only open door would be the one I needed to walk through to fix this.  I prayed the light would be shining bright and I would just know it was right.

 First I had to identify my problem.  One of them was as a mom with a baby in the pew, I had NO IDEA what the sermon was about.  I’ll be honest, most weeks I couldn’t even quote one word the pastor said except maybe “welcome”, and that’s just a guess.  Even if my baby was sitting perfectly still (hey, it happened once!)  I just couldn’t center my heart to be fully there. 

I had to adjust this by putting my sweet girl in the nursery.  Now this comes natural for most people, but not for me.  It was a stretch to trust someone else to care for my child without having a clue what was going on.  My husband and I also had different opinions on this at different times, but never the same opinion at the same time.  You ladies know what I’m talking about, don’t you?  By God’s grace we settled with trying it for a few weeks and if it absolutely didn’t work out, we would just reevaluate.  

It’s been about 6 weeks now, and it’s going well.  Sometimes she goes straight to the nursery; sometimes she “earns” her ticket there by being a normal obscene toddler and too fidgety for church.

 

The other issue was I “knew” everyone, but didn’t really “know” anyone.  I desire deeper relationships.  This is new.  I’m normally just fine with being acquaintances and not knowing people too personally. 

God has changed me here.  Not everyone likes it, and I don’t always even like it, but it is just my reality right now.  I’m embracing it.  I care so deeply about people.  All people.  People I have never met, people I’ve known forever, people I swore I didn’t like, people I was paranoid that didn’t like me, really.all.people.  I love them all.    Love.them.   This comes with a cost (any Once Upon a Time fans here?  I'll tell you all about it someday when  I get it all figured out).

In an effort to get to know people better my husband and I started a “hang out” small group at our church during our kids’ Promiseland (Bible School).   This not only got us talking with the people in the group, but it’s also encouraged me to invite other people in, & to talk to more people in the hallways.  It made church feel like home.  They let us move furniture to accommodate our group.  If moving furniture was a love language, it’d be in my top 3.  ;)

 

I am working with a couple ladies in the church on a kitchen remodeling project.  Working with women who have experienced more years than I, and have been in the church longer was such a blessing.   Their wisdom as well as their frequent requested trips to the church helped me feel welcome.  I want to share more of this with you, but that will be another post. 

 

We started eating dinner at church.  Our church offers a free will offering meal each week.  It used to seem overwhelming to get all the kids there, fill their plates, set them down and hope they ate without complaining or spilling.  Or both and embarrassing me terribly. 

Now I look forward to our Wednesday evening meals.  It’s my little break from the kitchen.  Young moms NEED this, and I’m so thankful our church offers it.  It spiritually fills me to enjoy a meal prepared by others while I fellowship with my church family.  I try to worry less about the kids eating perfectly, and worry more about the person sitting across from me feeling welcome.   I try to plant a seed of familiarity in them while we eat together and later when I see them they are no longer a stranger, but friend who with time, will grow to be family.

 

These little steps have helped me feel more content within the church walls.  Sermons are hitting me hard when I'm not wrestling with a toddler.  I'm taking notes that I can reread and research throughout the week.   I'm learning things I never knew. 

These are all good things for helping me feel connected.  I have so many ideas for ways to help our church grow and I’m finally feeling confident that I am the right person to help bring these changes.  I NEVER thought I’d be saying that, but that’s just how God works.  When we let him, he moves us in great big ways.