10 days ago I was helping my husband and my brother get a massive lawn mower loaded on to a trailer. When I say massive, I mean massive. It was heavy and we were pushing with all our might (at least I was!). Some how, in the shuffle of getting it up there it got turned funny (this was probably my fault) and we had to back it down a ways to straighten it out. The weight of the mower on the lift gate and the trailer not being secured on the ball, caused the whole thing to pop up. The mower, along with the lift gate landed right across my feet.
OUCH!
I'm pretty sure I yelled more than just ouch... It was dreadfully painful. Now, I'll admit have an abnormally low pain tolerance, *especially* for someone who has given birth twice. Seriously though, this legitimately hurt like heck.
I instantly had thoughts of broken feet, never walking again, etc., etc.
The amazing thing is that I prayed for healing, and within an hour I was up and walking.
The kicker is that for the last 10 days the feeling in my feet has been so "off". When I bend my feet I feel the pins and needles feeling. When they're in anterior position I feel nothing, in a very weird way. When I'm walking, each step is painful, but not excruciating, just uncomfortably painful.
I chose to keep walking. I chose to keep pushing on through the pain.
Many times I think about my feet, and how from the outside they look perfectly fine. It shocks me.
I have a friend who asked for prayers because even though she is happy, bubbly and one of the most cheerful people I know, she's hurting on the inside. I was humbled to hear her ask for prayers. I was proud of her. Yet I couldn't help but think "wow". It surprised me, because she hides it so well.
I think a lot of people hide a lot of things. And you know, that's okay. We don't need a world full of Debbie-downers. But hey guys, we also don't need to battle this world alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. When it gets too much to handle and you need prayers or help, just ask.
I am thankful for this incident, because it has been a constant reminder to me that we don't know what someone else is battling. Just because they're well put together on the outside doesn't mean there isn't some sort of pain on the inside.
I have a different pain inside than just what happened to my feet. And the pain inside changes as I have different worries about my children, my marriage, my home, our government, and life in general. I'm not a constant worrier, but when I use to worry often, it wasn't pretty! I am thankful that I have a God to pray to. I am thankful for true friends that I can be open and honest with. I'm thankful that I don't have to do this all on my own.
Today my pain is in the form of a useless worry. It's useless to worry about, because there is nothing I can do to change it. Tomorrow we take our almost 1 year old baby girl for another check-up with her cardiologist. Baby and cardiologist should NOT even be in the same sentence as far as I'm concerned. This check up is what they call "the big one". Yes, that's really what they call it. They predict that at this appointment they will be able to tell if heart surgery in her near future, or if we can space out her check ups more and she can go on living "normally" without medical intervention.
I know that this is all in God's hands. And I know that God doesn't waste our pain. Just like the trailer incident, my pain wasn't wasted, it taught me a very hands on valuable lesson.
Ps. I am pretty sure that the trailer landing on my feet also served as a punishment for my selfish thoughts.. more on that later... maybe... or maybe not... ;)
