What Happened When I Heard What My Husband Wasn't Saying

When I did the Passion Pursuit Bible Study I asked my husband a hard question.

It was “Where do you think I need to improve, or what can I do to be better for you?” 

Now due to the nature of the study, you may be expecting something kinky.  So before we go any further- I assure you, this is PG!  And that study is AMAZING- Not at all what you'd think!

One of his responses was that he’d like me to have a meal idea ready and prepare supper at a decent time. 

Fair enough, right?

Remember I’m strong-willed, so my first reaction was to get defensive.  Second was to take a step back and hear what he wasn't quite articulating.  He wasn’t making it clear that he missed slow evening meals together as a family and having everyone together for visiting.  But that is what he meant. 

It wasn’t really about the FOOD at all. 

Like most busy families, we had become accustomed to everyone eating quick and getting on to the next activity.

As per the gals in my Bible Study and the advice of the book itself, I accepted his request without trying to defend myself, and worked on improving it. 

Man, Oh Man!  That was a good move for all of us, and really took very little effort. 

For the first time in years I began to LOVE cooking again.  I spent too long battling some internal stuff that I was so mentally exhausted that it left me physically exhausted too. 

This simple move of preparing the meal and slowly eating together really put our family back on the right track. 

I cannot even tell you people how important fully HONEST communication is. 

Okay- Gotta run! It’s just about 5pm and I’ve got some barbequed pork to cook up and get to the table! 

If you’re wondering how this is going to benefit you- Let me say this RECIPEEEEEES.  And I don’t let myself go to much fuss in the kitchen, so I swear to you my recipe tutorials will be simple without sacrificing nutrition or costing you a fortune!

By the way, if you need a good book on communication, try Speaking the Truth in Love.  It’s so practical and explains why we need to be honest and assertive. 

 

That’s all.  Have a good night ,Y’all!

Do Better. Be Better.

Do Better. Be Better.

 

So a friend mentioned this theory that we are all great at two things. 

The problem is that we can't do both of those things well at the same time.

For me, one of the things I'm good at is blogging. The other is being a mom.

Right now as I'm trying to write this post in bed at nearly 1 a.m. my two year old starts to cry from her crib. She doesn't normally do this and there's no reason for her to be crying right now.  What do I do?  Do I continue blogging or do I go comfort her?

Of course mothering comes first. But now blogging takes a back burner. 

My husband just went in to rub her back and sway her back to sleep.
So I guess I can keep blogging.  But now my mind is jumbled and I've fallen off track. 

Alright, I thought about this in the shower, where I do all my deep thinking (please, I'm begging you people, someone invent a waterproof tablet with voice recognition that stays in the shower, and syncs to my phone)...

What is it that would help me do my two things better?  And what if I wasn't just limited to 2 things, but I could do MANY things better?  What would that look like? 

Maybe in order to do MY 2 things well, I need to work together with other like-minded people?

Maybe I need a rigid schedule?

Maybe I need to put it on my vision board?

Maybe I need to cut out activities that aren't top priorities?

Maybe I need to do all that, and something more that I don't even know yet.

I know from experience our home can be much happier, more simplistic, and I can be much more productive when we have just completed a big purging and decluttering of the house.
But I’ve done that trick so many times now, that we don't really have a need to do it again. And if I tried my family might want to kick me out!  At the very least it would tork them off royally. 

I'll be 30 next year and I don't have my exciting list of things I want to do before I'm 30 completed, but for the next 30 days I'm going to work at doing better so I can be better.

I asked each of my family members this same question

“Where is an area I can improve?”

 

First off they all responded about the same “You’re perfect at everything, mom”.  Bless their hearts, they really did mean it, they weren’t sucking up.  But then I pushed a little further and here’s what I got:

The Ball Player:
“Walking and running because you have a Fitbit.  Geez, thanks kid!  Haha, but really, I'll try.”

My husband has already challenged me to something; you can read about that HERE. 

The girls both still think I’m just perfect.  They’re about the only ones I hear that from, so I’m not going to push for a different answer right now, but I am going to keep asking them what I can do to be a better mom today, this week, etc.

Areas to Improve (ATI):

·         Keeping the bathroom mirrors clean.

·         Keeping the sinks clean.  I want to see the washbowls shine! 

·         Responding to text messages (but not during the school day).

·         Knowing what supper will be before 4pm and having it on the table before anyone in the house gets H-Angry, or has to go to bed. *I’m taking baby steps here, folks*

·         Giving a YES or a NO answer.

·         Meeting my Fitbit Goals before 9pm each night.  There is nothing more frustrating than pacing the house trying to reach your Fitbit goals for the day before you go to bed, only to realize it resets at midnight, not when you fall asleep around 2am.

My plan to make this work is simple.  Post the list where I’ll see it, and ask those close to me to hold me accountable. 


One of my ATIs is Blogging regularly. That has been a goal of mine since the winter of 2006 when I started my very first blog, “Lucky Ducks”.  When this blog started in 2010 I thought for sure I’d be posting daily updates, or at minimum twice a week.  That never really happened.  Now that it’s starting to bring in some real revenue and I’ve built a readership I’m comfortable with, I want to make it more of a priority.  Ultimately though, my family comes first, so I’m still trying to find the balance here.  I’ll let you know if I ever figure it out.  J

What are your ‘Areas to Improve’?

 

Share in the comments, OR if you blog, write a post about it and comment back here with a link!  


I should also add, I think I'm great at being a homeschooling wife/mom OR great at being a friend.  I can't balance both of those well yet either.  Or I'm great at advertising/social media, but then I struggle with being consumed by it and not having much time for anything else. 

7+ Perks of Teaching at Summer Story Hour {A GIVEAWAY}

This post contains affiliate links.

 

Our church puts on a story hour for children every Friday in July, every single year.  They've been doing this for longer than we've lived in town, but I've only participated the past couple of years. 

This was the second year that I was asked to lead classroom of kids.  I had a good amount of excuses as to why I couldn't make it work.  Like how much I sweat when working with a room full of kids... I chose to keep that info to myself and volunteered for the position anyway. 

My oldest daughter was able to tag along as a helper this year.  It's so cool to see her interacting with the kids.  She's such a natural teacher!  I like to think she gets that from me. :)

Story time is FUN!

You see, the kids get dropped off and get to play games, eat snacks, hear a story, go to music class, and pick their own books/movies to check out.  The parents get to go do whatever they'd like for an hour, knowing their kiddos are safe in the care of the church.  It's a win-win! 

Being a "teacher" at the story hour has its perks too:

1. I get to see the kids come in just eager as can be to hear God's word. 
2. The kids and I play guessing games about what the snack will be.  Hey, it's more fun than you'd think!
3. I see the kids taking such pride in the books they pick out.
4. The little kids give the best high-fives and smiles. 
5. I get to be goofy and they never tell me I'm not acting my age.
6. I witness Jesus' heart through the children, and see them grow in Christ.
7. Did I mention there are snacks?!  And they're prepared by the sweetest church ladies.  Church ladies have some sort of magic goin' on in the kitchen, because they bring out these delicious desserts and the kitchen still looks spotless the whole time.  What's their secret?
8. I get to see the parents/grandparents come back to get the kids looking much less frazzled than when they dropped the kids off.  It's very satisfying.
9. My kids never say they're bored there!

One of our story tellers this year brought the book titled The Berenstain Bears Count Their Blessings to read to the kids.  She said it was a favorite of her kids when they were little.  After hearing her read it, it's a favorite of mine too!

This is my affiliate link, you can read about that here.

 

As a mom, I'm always looking for ways to teach my children, ages 2-12 how to count their blessings, and what to look for in a blessing.  We each keep a thankful or gratitude journal where we jot down the things we're thankful for.  This book is a great place to start introducing the topic of being thankful.

 

 

One LUCKY reader will get their very own copy of The Berenstain Bears Count Their Blessings shipped right to their door.

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

An Open Letter To My Adventure Boy, As He's Turning 8!

Dear Buddy,

Just a couple more sleeps and you’ll be 8 years old. 8! I remember when I was pregnant with you, and your daddy and I went to the gender ultrasound. When the ultrasound tech told us you were a boy, we cried tears of happiness. Then we called to tell your great grandpa, Carl (dad‘s paternal grandfather), and he cried on the phone with us. We realized in that moment, you were the only one left to carry on our last name. No pressure or anything, I mean, you weren't even born yet!

At nearly 8 years old you are transitioning into getting more responsibility at home.  You're a great help in the garden, and you take such pride in hooking up the sprinkler on your own, and harvesting tomatoes.  You’re also transitioning out of the innocence and joy of being pleased by everything. You use to squeal with delight over the sound of a train. Now you occasionally light up over it, but often times don’t. It’s okay, I mean it was totally acceptable when you were 3 to yell THOMAS!! Every time you heard a train, now it’d be slightly less amusing to us. 

You love all things construction.  I don't know if this stems from growing up an a newer developing  neighborhood, or if this is just really going to be your thing.  The sound of skid loaders, dump trucks, and cement mixer trucks can still get you to RUN as fast as you can to the window and keep your eyes there until they're out of sight.  You've been doing this since you could walk, and as your momma, I find it joyful. 

Oh Bud, your dad and I just love how you’re growing up. We are proud of the choices you make (99.9% of the time).

You are a good son, a good brother, and a good friend.

You are ALL boy.  You are also full of compassion.   

You're great at making people laugh, especially the neighbor girls. 

You have a great memory, which is why your big sis calls you "memory boy".  You never use that amazing memory to hold a grudge or get even though, and I love that about you. 

Your favorite color is orange, although everyone thinks it’s red, because of how much you love Lightening McQueen from the Cars movie. 

Speaking of Cars movie.  We've rented that soundtrack from the library more times than I can remember.  Dad says you have great taste in music; I think he's right.

You are an eater. Your dad and I have witnessed you go through some pretty intense growth spurts where we wondered if a shovel would’ve suited you better than a spoon for your big appetite. Through it all, you still made good choices with your food and mostly preferred bananas and “medium cold cow's milk" over junk food.

That is unless there were Fruit Loops to be found; you love those things.

The sugar in them make you crazy; but we’re crazy about you, so you do get to have them as a rare treat.


When I asked you want you wanted for your birthday dinner your first response was “CAKE“, followed by “corn dogs“.

I can't help but wonder how many birthdays you’ll be celebrating with corn dogs and cake?  Will your future wife, who we pray for often, be filling this same request for your 35^th birthday?

Your favorite animal is the polar bear. Honey, will you take your children to see the polar bears at the zoo some day? Oh I hope you do.

Sorry to be so sentimental and sappy. You see I’m just thrilled about your future because you are SUCH an amazing little boy, and this world so desperately needs amazing little boys like you to grow up into respectable men who help change this place we live in.

You have the passion and energy to do great things. You are a world changer. I just know it!

For now though, my dear boy, keep playing your favorite games: Tag and Hide & Seek. Keep singing at the top of your lungs when you’re outside on the swing set. I‘m listening, and it fills me with JOY. Enjoy your peanut butter and honey sandwiches for as long as you can.

Keep playing Legos each chance you get. I love that you build your own creations for hours on end, because I know, some day, you are going to put all that building to good use. You know how I know? Because right before your birthday, when I asked you “what do you want to be when you grow up?” you said, ‘I want to invent stuff”. I believe you will. You are so creative and your creations are innovative and impressive.

Yes, I am leaving something out, and this wouldn’t be complete without the full truth. Right now, in this stage, you are hyper. Like occasionally bouncing off the walls hyper. In public you are shy, & cautious. I pray you find the balance between the two. And if you never do, I pray God uses both sides of you to further His kingdom and better this very world through you, and your range of emotions.

You are thoughtful and sweet. You are so good to your sisters. You love reading books to your little sister, and playing board games with your big sister. You and your daddy build amazing things out of wood, and have a blast playing TracBall in the backyard. 

You are the master of the backyard fire pit, and rock at burning marshmallows.  ;)

I’m proud of you for buying your own bike this year.  

I’m proud of you for building marshmallow shooters and selling them at our garage sale.  I know it was difficult to sit still and be patient as you waited for customers. I know it was also tough to face the disappointment when not everyone was as excited about them as you were. But you did great Bud! You really did. You kept pressing on, you did your thing, and you sold them all! Your profits you turned in for a ticket to Adventureland. You, my sweet boy, are FULL of wonder and Adventure. I love you so very much.

Promise.

　

For Real Red Devils Food Cake

I whipped up this 'tried and true' recipe last week for a friend's birthday.  It was in a binder I filled with my grandma Edna's recipes.

Inspired by The Pioneer Woman:
After the cake cooled I used a glass to cut the cake into circles and stuffed it in the bottom of a plastic cup.  My hubby stepped in to help out while I made supper.  He covered it in ice cream, chocolate and caramel sauces & put a straw down the center, and the kids put homemade flowers in the straws.

For Real Red Devils Food Cake
1 2/3 C. Flour, sifted
1 1/2 C. Sugar
1 1/4 tsp. Soda
1 tsp. Salt
1/3 C. Cocoa
1/2. C. Soft Butter
1 C. Milk (2/3 C. + 1/3C.)
2 Eggs
1 tsp. Vanilla

Pre-heat your oven to 350.
Grease a 9*13 pan

Sift the dry stuff together.

Add butter and 2/3C. Milk

Beat for 2 minutes

Add the rest of the milk, eggs & vanilla
Beat until well combined.

Pour into the pan. 

Bake 45 minutes

MAJOR Deliciousness!!