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Self Care: If I Have Not Compassion

As I clean out my MOPS bag for the year I run across some of my meeting notes. To toss or save?  {Hear me out, it's good stuff, but there are just so many papers!}

 In there, amongst the folded and crumpled papers,  a typed 1/3 sheet of wisdom and questions to ponder.  It's as if the speaker KNEW how deeply I needed the thoughts, and might not take the moment to take notes right then and there.  It's as if she knew I'd tuck it away in my bag and pull it out the very day I needed it most.  Okay maybe SHE didn't know all those things, but My God did.  He knew.

That gracious speaker shared a quote which I bolded below, but here is the whole shebang.  Read it, think about it, and find yourself blessed by the words and the emotions they cause.

If I Have Not Compassion

Amy Carmichael IF I HAVE NOT compassion on my fellowservant, even as my Lord had pity on me, then I know nothing of Calvary love. If I can easily discuss the shortcomings and the sins of any; if I can speak in a casual way even of a child's misdoings, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvary love. If I can write an unkind letter, speak an unkind word, think an unkind thought without grief and shame, then I know nothing of Calvary love. If I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, "You do not understand," or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other's highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love. If souls can suffer alongside, and I hardly know it, because the spirit of discernment is not in me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve around myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have "a heart at leisure from itself," then I know nothing of Calvary love. If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or twentieth); if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness, then I know nothing of Calvary love. If I do not give a friend "the benefit of the doubt," but put the worst construction instead of the best on what is said or done, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I take offense easily; if I am content to continue in a cool unfriendliness, though friendship be possible, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love. For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.

If I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget," as though the God, who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world, could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

How can you move towards the Lord's kindness so that you may show others LOVE, and not leave them tip toeing around you looking for a warning label? 

There is NO shame in admitting the truth. 

In The Kitchen: Homemade Hummus

Twice last week I ate meals with friends who brought hummus to share.  Mmm-mm-mmm.  Good food & good friends.  MY Fav.  I had made hummus a few years ago, then I kind of forgot about it. 

It isn't too expensive to buy, but I enjoy making things myself.  When I'm able.  But more honestly, when I feel like it! :)

 

 

Here's the ingredients I used based on the back of the package, and several other blog posts with recipes that I sorted through:

 

• One 15-ounce can chickpeas or garbanzo beans (I learned that these are the same thing, so find either one and you're good to go)
• 1/4 cup lemon juice
• 1/4 C. tahini (I found this at Fareway, it was $6.99, I am almost certain it has got to be cheaper somewhere else. This was the first time that I had actually seen it, so I bought it. It was next to the peanut butter . This makes sense because all it is is ground sesame seeds.  You could probably actually make your own if you had a good food processor and a whole bunch of sesame seeds, I had neither... hence the $7 I forked over)
• Garlic, I imagine whatever you have on hand will probably work. fresh or powder would be best.
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• A dash of salt, or not.  I can't really remember if I put this in.
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin, or a full teaspoon if you got busy talking with your kiddos and didn't pay any attention to your recipe while you were scoopin' until after the second scoop.  Not that I would do that or anything... (But if you do, it still turns out just fine!)
• 2 to 3 tablespoons water
• A dash of paprika for pretty

I tried crushing it all up in my mortar and pestle, but that got old real quick, so I transferred it all to the blender and blended a little at a time while stirring until it was smooth.  I really need to get a food processer, but since I don't have one yet, this worked just fine.  I did all this with my little kitchen helper, the Fashionista.  She's 11 and LOVES all things cooking/baking/Suzy homemaker style.  Except cleaning her room.  Oh boy, that room.  I often wonder what her home will look like when she's older.  :/  Anyone else feel this worry? My mom probably felt the same way about me. 

In The Kitchen: Living Salad Bowl

Having a living salad bowl on my deck is just about my favorite thing right now.  It makes lunch time so easy!  It's also a great way to add simple veggies to dinner.  My biggest high comes from seeing my picky eater snacking on it while he plays outside. 
In each pot I planted:
Green leaf lettuce
Red leaf lettuce
Baby spinach
Green onions
I have another pot with basil (yummmmm) it has a plant in the center and seeds scattered around the rest that will hopefully grow soon.

After years of wanting to grow my own lettuce, I'm so glad I finally did it!

Self Care: Healing an Unpleasant Personality

"You are an extremely intimidating person and I can't make an appointment to be attacked..."

These were the words of a text message from a friend.  I denied it. I even fired back with "I am certainly not!..."

But then I calmed down, sort of.  I Googled it, because frankly I didn't know what it meant to be an intimidating person.  You know what I came up with?

Frighten?? ... make them do what one wants??  And check out those synonyms: frighten, menace, terrify, scare, terrorize, yeah I intentionally left COW off the list.

These are NOT good things, people!  And I couldn't help but wonder how long have I been coming off this way?  I still don't know, but from later messages I'm putting together that it's been at least a couple weeks and even MONTHS.

It's certainly not my intention to frighten anyone, and definitely not to get them to do what I want.  Not that I don't like having things my way,  I'll be honest, I really do.  But doesn't everyone?  Over the years I've learned to be quick to compromise on things that don't conflict with my moral beliefs.  I'll debate a little for the purpose of education, but not just to fight, and not just so I can be right.  I'm okay with picking my battles and sitting quiet through the others.  So this really surprised me.

I wanted to be sure I dealt with this negatively perceived personality trait I was apparently taking on before it damaged any more friendships or hurt any other relationships.
I could easily say it's just one person's opinion.  I could also say I don't need to transform to suit anyone else.  But the fact of the matter is, I deep down appreciated the honesty so I could fix the problem.

The morning after this all went down I checked in with my pastor about some discernment I'm having and brought this subject up too.  He loaned me a book that is really transforming me.

It's titled Speaking the Truth in Love.  That's actually what my intent was by wanting to get together with this friend in the first place.  It was not to correct her from a place of being better.  It was to lovingly say what I had observed in hopes of improving our friendship, our relationships with others and to also improve myself.  I didn't have a hidden agenda, unless you count getting some me time out without the kids.

In simply asking to get together for a heart-to-heart I unknowingly came across as harsh.  When I got corrected, I felt hurt and misunderstood.  The biggest problem I think was that we used social media and text message to communicate.  You just can't interpret someone's tone no matter how many emoji's and smiley faces are used.  I didn't want to communicate that way.  It really drives me crazy actually. 

I'm feeling really insecure through this.  I'm asking myself how many other people think I'm intimidating?  Lets get real, us simple folk don't use the word intimidating, we say witch. So how many people are calling me a witch behind my back?

I'm only a couple chapters into this book and it's good!  I've been reading a few pages every chance I get.  Here is what I've mentally highlighted:

*The word passive comes from a Latin word meaning to suffer.  A passive person’s actions say  I'll give up anything to avoid displeasure and gain approval. 

*Aggressive behavior says "I have the right to patronize you, put you down, dominate you, or humiliate you in order to get what I want."

I want to be a well-rounded balance of both slightly passive and slightly aggressive depending on the situation but overall I want to be assertive.

*"Christians are often tempted to say I forgive you prematurely, just to avoid the painful process of acknowledging and working through the problem and its consequences".

  I’d love to just say I forgive you and move on, but once I read this I realized that saying that isn’t going to fix this problem.  I am the problem.  Forgiving someone for misinterpreting my message and speaking the truth doesn’t fix the fact that I am perceived as a witch.  It’s just a bandaid to hide the hurt, and eventually we will be coming back to the same problem again. 

I'm looking forward to reading more from this book and transforming for God's glory through this process.  It's tough.  It's painful to tear back the layers and try to repair your own personality.  It down right sucks, really.

I'm keeping at it though because I feel God's gentle nudge to become the woman he wishes for me to be. To radiate kindness.
Inner self improvement is necessary and it does take work.  Work I'm willing to do.
My days here are numbered and I'm not going to let them slip by as I ignore the hard stuff because it's easier that way.  I knew from the time I was a toddler that my life wasn't meant to be easy.
My current motto is:
Without a struggle, I can't find my strength.
I'll let that thought carry me through.

Be honest with yourself.  What personality traits do you need to work on?