F.A.Q- Answered

Are you having marital problems?

Are you getting a divorce?

What's going on with your marriage?

These are all questions that Mr. B & I have heard recently as a result of this blog.  I'll take them apart, one by one and answer them the best I can.

Are you having marital problems?
This is hard to answer.  You see, we recognize there are issues and we try to tackle them before they become a problem.  I feel like every married couple has problems.  There are no perfect marriages.  My husband and I have a great relationship, we are devoted to each other and very much in love.  But we also know we aren't perfect.  We just aren't.  And really, neither are you (you as a whole, not singling out any one person). My blogging is my way of telling you "us too".  I will blog more on this at a later time, but when you're in the heat of an argument with your spouse and you feel like you're the only one in the world going through what you are, just know... "us too".  We've been there or will be at some point, and it's okay.  We want to understand and help you grow in your marriage. 

Are you getting a divorce?
NO.  I'll say it again, NO.  It's that simple.  We love each other, we love our children and the big D word just is not going to happen (although I'd be a hot item on the market... okay, okay.. I'm kidding!  lighten up!).  If you feel like because we can't agree on every single thing, and I'm making it public, that we are going to separate... I'm sorry.  You've misunderstood, that's not what this blog is about. 

What's going on with your marriage?
Actually a really great thing is going on in our marriage.  My husband and I were wed because we wanted to.  We loved each other, but we didn't truly LOVE each other.  It wasn't until we came to Christ that we realized the fire we had burning within our hearts for Him, and for each other.  Now that we have this amazing connection with God our marriage is the most blissful it has EVER been.  We know where to go to get answers to our problems, we are much more compassionate to each other, our intimacy... well, that is just off the charts.  Good things are happening in our marriage. 

Unfortunately there are still bad things happening around us that effect our marriage and our family too.  No matter what, we are in it for the long haul.  Together.

A reason to stay married, I have many.. Here is one.

"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce.  The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage."  ~Robert Anderson

Today, I want to share one of the reasons why I want to stay married (I praise Jesus that I have MANY reasons I want to stay married, this is just one of the cool examples). 

My husband is an excellent shopper..  When (& ONLY when) he wants to be.  I had a MOPS meeting tonight & the princess had Girl Scouts.  That left the prince and the king to entertain themselves, they had a fun time shopping!  The king lets the prince run walk through the store, which is way cool that he can pull that off. I cannot, so the prince is stuck riding IN the cart, and usually strapped in too when he's with this Queen Bee!  It's boring, I know.  But it works for us.

Anyway, my king brought back many goods, and all for only $6.99!  Does your husband grocery shop?  If he does, does he bargain shop?  Or does he only buy what you have put on a list for him?

Confessions & Coupons

Ah, a good nights sleep, a warm shower, and now I'm feeling very refreshed. 
I was just searching the web for other blogs and I ran across this one called True Wife Confessions.  The first few I read I thought were outrageously rude.  Then I read this one:

Confession #3159

"I am sorry that I set up a trap for you to fall into, and then blew up at you when you did what you thought I wanted you to do. It wasn't fair, and I am sorry. I am so glad we can talk about it - rationally - and I could apologize to you. I love you, and old patterns are hard to correct, but I think we can just keep trying. Thank you for loving me - when I feel very unlovable."

I think that's exactly what I should say to my husband.  Our arguments last night were mostly because of the traps I set for him. 

Little things, but 12 little things equals a dozen, and a dozen is more than a handful.  And if you have more than a handful it may be hard to handle. 

Here is an example of one of our bickering moments last night:  
Me: "Did you shut the lights off in the garage?"  After I had already peeked out the peep hole and saw that he hadn't shut the lights off.
Hubby: "No, I haven't yet"
Me: "Are you serious??  It's midnight, you haven't been out there for 2 hours, and you STILL have the light on?  You've got to be joking, you already shut it off, didn't you?"
Hubby: "NO!  Why would I joke about that?  If it pisses you off, you go shut the light off, or I'll get it later".
Me: "Whatever" & I walked away expressing what I quite often tell the princess is BAD BODY LANGUAGE.  Crossed arms, huffing and puffing, nasty look on my face.

I had no right to look for something to fight about.  I coulda/shoulda shut the light off myself and went to bed.  But I was too busy being a brat.  A freakin' brat.  & That's probably not the last time we'll have a disagreement like that.  But for now, I'm on my way outside to say I AM SORRY.

Outside, because my husband has graciously taken the children out in the yard (that he planted, and takes care of) to play catch while I have some alone time.  He is so amazing sometimes. :-)  I just can't get enough of him!

This is a good day.  A very good day.

Bonus note:  I took the princess grocery shopping with me and taught her how to use coupons.  We'll keep practicing this, but I was SO proud of her.  I'm going to say it again PROUD!!  I showed her the 'day old bakery' section of the store, and explained that a cream cheese coffee cake was only ONE DOLLAR!  She shook her head, pushed her cart away and said "nah, I'm going to stick to my coupons today".  Needless to say, I had to pass on it too.

So we came home and put 5 loaves of pumpkin bread in the oven. I used my grandma's recipe.  This is the first I've made pumpkin bread, I am very excited to see how it turns out.

This day you wouldn't even know I was trying to save my marriage.  It seems like all I did this day was complain, nag and well, bitch.  Oh, and fold laundry.  Like 9 loads of laundry.  BLAH!!!
We're trying to cut down TV time in our house.  We started over a year ago with canceling cable.  We haven't said the kids have a certain number of hours a week to watch TV, but if we aren't busy, we try to think of other things they can do than veg in front of the tube.  I read an article from Family Life about taming the media in our homes that really fired me up to do more.  I also met a new mom from our playgroup this week and we talked about monitoring screen time with the kids.  So it's on my mind.
Well, this was CLEARLY not the day to start this.  My room-mate (yes, that's what it felt like today) was adding more walls to our "work in progress" basement.  I was doing laundry the whole darn day, on top of all my other chores, and watching a 3 year old like a hawk so he didn't pee in his favorite Tow-Mater underwear causing more chores for me to do. 
So this day just didn't go as I wanted it to.  I set the bar a little too high.  I've been saying for a year that the first weekend in October we'd be going to a pumpkin patch/apple orchard.  My room-mate had already decided (only a week ago) that this was the weekend he was "finishing" stick building the basement.  Well, neither one of us met our goals. 
I was so angry at my printer today for putting ink all over every envelope I printed on, not in the spots I wanted ink.  Not just little dots of ink, but smears of nasty black ink ruining every thing I tried to make perfect.  I did it again, set the bar too high.  Thinking I could just click a button on the computer and magically my work would be done.  I could walk away and let 350 envelopes get printed how I needed, then I would come back and put them in a box, set them aside and be ready for my MOPS meeting in a couple weeks. 
So every time someone would come in the room as an envelope was shooting out of the printer with wet ink smeared on it, it was their fault.  This went on for about an hour before my husband insisted that I just "take a break" from it.

I did, I took a break. 

And as soon as I did, well, what a surprise, he needed me for something.  It wasn't a "honey you're frustrated, walk away and cool off".  It was a "Hey, stop doing what you're doing, because it would be more convenient for me if you would stand here and hold this tape measure over your head while balancing on one of your favorite folding chairs I broke and covered in sheet rock mud" kind of way.  If you've been in my basement, you know the chair I'm talking about.

I really shouldn't be so mad, I mean I usually feel like whatever I'm doing is more important than what he is doing and I would like him to help me, regardless of the urgency of his project.  And hey, if I can make it seem like it's for his benefit, that's even better, right?

Okay so it's the end of the day now, I feel like a jerk for how I've acted, and now that I've come back to the computer the envelopes are printing okay.  I guess I just needed a break.
Sometimes, we all just.need.a.break.
How do you squeeze in your breaks?  I feel so guilty whenever I do anything for myself, even reading my bible.  There are not enough hours in the day for me to wake up before the kids to read, and once they go to bed I'm cleaning up after the messes everyone has made for the day.
I want to get away sometimes, like go out for lunch just me and my husband, or go to a movie.  But then again, I feel guilty.  Even though I feel like I am worth so much for all I do for this house, and my family, I still regret spending money on myself, because I don't actually earn money.

That reminds me.. funny story.. kind of..
On Tuesday I went to Wal-Mart to buy a new toothbrush, to be sure my smile looked its best for my upcoming dentist appointment.  My only 2 month old brush had stopped working :-( 
  I used my birthday money from my father-in-law to buy new electric toothbrushes for the whole family back in July.  I was kind of peeved that everyone else's was still working, but mine had quit (considering how bad I really wanted to spend that money on a massage, but knew it wasn't practical). 
   I picked out and bought a new red toothbrush, same model, just a different color.  I got it home and realized as I'm looking at the diagram on the back of the package.............I had my batteries in wrong... I switched them around and ta-da, it works like new again.  & now I have a new toothbrush for when one of ours really does quit working. 

I'm tired, I really don't want to keep blogging, or try to make sense of what I already wrote.
Basically, I wish I wasn't trying to tame the media today.  Letting the children watch TV all day would've been a great option.  I could've focused on what I needed to get done.  My handy man could've been much handier without the distractions.  And undoubtedly there would've been a whole lot less tattling & crying being done by the kids. 
I wish I hadn't mapped out the whole weekend a year in advance.  I am an obsessive planner, calendar clutter, 'my way or the highway' kind of gal sometimes.  It rarely causes this much disappointment, but when it does, it sure doesn't feel good.

It's late, and all I want to do now is go lay in the arms of my beloved. 
I thank God that we have many more good days than bad.  And this whole day wasn't terrible, we did have quite a few good times.  But when I'm angry, it's hard to think of those.

A trip to the library

The prince and I too a trip to the local library today.  I found a few books and put my name on a waiting list for "The Last Song".  One of the books I read today was called "A Short Guide to a Happy Life" by Anna Quindlen.
In the book she writes:

  "Consider the lilies of the field.  Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear.  Read in the back yard with the sun on your face.  Learn to be happy.  And think of life as a terminal illness, because, if you do, you will live it with joy and passion, as it ought to be lived."

Shocking.  Terminal illnesses scare me.  My mother in law and brother in law both recently died of cancer.  When I consider that life is a terminal illness and we just have to make the best of it, I don't totally relate.  I think life is wonderful already, so to say it is this terminal illness it doesn't catch me.

But what does catch me, is considering this... What if my husband had a terminal illness.  Imagine how stupid fighting over sticky syrup on the table would be.  Or how stupid it would be fighting about "You saw the cat puke on the carpet but didn't clean it up?" or the never ending.. "You didn't have time to go grocery shopping, but you did have time to update your facebook status and respond to all 10 posts".

Yes, if we could live this way we would be much happier, because we would put aside all the silly little things.  But this is really MUCH easier said, than done.