A Slightly Better Wife

This day you wouldn't even know I was trying to save my marriage.  It seems like all I did this day was complain, nag and well, bitch.  Oh, and fold laundry.  Like 9 loads of laundry.  BLAH!!!
We're trying to cut down TV time in our house.  We started over a year ago with canceling cable.  We haven't said the kids have a certain number of hours a week to watch TV, but if we aren't busy, we try to think of other things they can do than veg in front of the tube.  I read an article from Family Life about taming the media in our homes that really fired me up to do more.  I also met a new mom from our playgroup this week and we talked about monitoring screen time with the kids.  So it's on my mind.
Well, this was CLEARLY not the day to start this.  My room-mate (yes, that's what it felt like today) was adding more walls to our "work in progress" basement.  I was doing laundry the whole darn day, on top of all my other chores, and watching a 3 year old like a hawk so he didn't pee in his favorite Tow-Mater underwear causing more chores for me to do. 
So this day just didn't go as I wanted it to.  I set the bar a little too high.  I've been saying for a year that the first weekend in October we'd be going to a pumpkin patch/apple orchard.  My room-mate had already decided (only a week ago) that this was the weekend he was "finishing" stick building the basement.  Well, neither one of us met our goals. 
I was so angry at my printer today for putting ink all over every envelope I printed on, not in the spots I wanted ink.  Not just little dots of ink, but smears of nasty black ink ruining every thing I tried to make perfect.  I did it again, set the bar too high.  Thinking I could just click a button on the computer and magically my work would be done.  I could walk away and let 350 envelopes get printed how I needed, then I would come back and put them in a box, set them aside and be ready for my MOPS meeting in a couple weeks. 
So every time someone would come in the room as an envelope was shooting out of the printer with wet ink smeared on it, it was their fault.  This went on for about an hour before my husband insisted that I just "take a break" from it.

I did, I took a break. 

And as soon as I did, well, what a surprise, he needed me for something.  It wasn't a "honey you're frustrated, walk away and cool off".  It was a "Hey, stop doing what you're doing, because it would be more convenient for me if you would stand here and hold this tape measure over your head while balancing on one of your favorite folding chairs I broke and covered in sheet rock mud" kind of way.  If you've been in my basement, you know the chair I'm talking about.

I really shouldn't be so mad, I mean I usually feel like whatever I'm doing is more important than what he is doing and I would like him to help me, regardless of the urgency of his project.  And hey, if I can make it seem like it's for his benefit, that's even better, right?

Okay so it's the end of the day now, I feel like a jerk for how I've acted, and now that I've come back to the computer the envelopes are printing okay.  I guess I just needed a break.
Sometimes, we all just.need.a.break.
How do you squeeze in your breaks?  I feel so guilty whenever I do anything for myself, even reading my bible.  There are not enough hours in the day for me to wake up before the kids to read, and once they go to bed I'm cleaning up after the messes everyone has made for the day.
I want to get away sometimes, like go out for lunch just me and my husband, or go to a movie.  But then again, I feel guilty.  Even though I feel like I am worth so much for all I do for this house, and my family, I still regret spending money on myself, because I don't actually earn money.

That reminds me.. funny story.. kind of..
On Tuesday I went to Wal-Mart to buy a new toothbrush, to be sure my smile looked its best for my upcoming dentist appointment.  My only 2 month old brush had stopped working :-( 
  I used my birthday money from my father-in-law to buy new electric toothbrushes for the whole family back in July.  I was kind of peeved that everyone else's was still working, but mine had quit (considering how bad I really wanted to spend that money on a massage, but knew it wasn't practical). 
   I picked out and bought a new red toothbrush, same model, just a different color.  I got it home and realized as I'm looking at the diagram on the back of the package.............I had my batteries in wrong... I switched them around and ta-da, it works like new again.  & now I have a new toothbrush for when one of ours really does quit working. 

I'm tired, I really don't want to keep blogging, or try to make sense of what I already wrote.
Basically, I wish I wasn't trying to tame the media today.  Letting the children watch TV all day would've been a great option.  I could've focused on what I needed to get done.  My handy man could've been much handier without the distractions.  And undoubtedly there would've been a whole lot less tattling & crying being done by the kids. 
I wish I hadn't mapped out the whole weekend a year in advance.  I am an obsessive planner, calendar clutter, 'my way or the highway' kind of gal sometimes.  It rarely causes this much disappointment, but when it does, it sure doesn't feel good.

It's late, and all I want to do now is go lay in the arms of my beloved. 
I thank God that we have many more good days than bad.  And this whole day wasn't terrible, we did have quite a few good times.  But when I'm angry, it's hard to think of those.