Happy 40th Wedding Anniversary to MY Parents

From my Facebook:

"Sorry for the mushy-gushy post, but this is a SHOUT OUT to my parents. On June 14th they celebrated 40 years of marriage. 40 YEARS!! Who even does that anymore? ;)
I feel like it's quite the accomplishment! My parents' marriage relationship has taught me a lot of things, but the greatest is how to love, and keep on loving, despite the toughest trials or even the highest highs. They're devoted to each other through it all. I'm so glad I get to be their kid! ♥♥♥"

Godly Sex? For Real? Yes!

God has set some clear guidelines for us when it comes to intimacy in marriage.  Who knew? ;)  I'm constantly in awe of all the verses I find that encourage me in my role as a wife and friend to my husband.

I especially love how these verses make it known that both the husband's and wife's needs/desires are equally important.
That is such a different view than what the world tells us about sexuality, isn't it?
 
I often hear that men want and need sex more, or that it's more for them and us women just put up with it... or fake a headache.

The world makes us believe that if a woman want sex more than the man does, that woman is trashy. 

As a young bride I had a woman I looked up to tell me that she never experienced an orgasm from her husband.  She didn't even enjoy intimacy with him on any level.  It was very matter of fact, and she said she had to do the job herself if she wanted to be pleased too.
Another woman talking with us said orgasms were rare for her too, and also shared her disgust with sex.
I spent quite a few years thinking there was something wrong with me for desiring sex, often times more than my husband did. 
I also assumed that female orgasms were some made up fantasy found only in porn movies and never gave myself completely to my husband in the bedroom.

They were wrong, I was wrong. 

Later in our marriage we began to unpack our baggage and sort through our sexual differences.  Even though I entered our relationship as a young inexperienced virgin, I had mental and emotional insecurities as baggage.  I had narrow minded views, that I felt very strongly about.
My husband had baggage of his own.
When you put our stories together it's no wonder we nearly divorced just into our first year of what should've been "wedded bliss".

Of course things would've been much easier if we would've been open with each other from the start and sought out Godly instruction. 

I often say I'm glad for my struggle so I could find my strength, and that's true here too. 

My advice is pray through your "baggage".   Say it out loud so satin has no hold on it.  Be honest with your spouse.  Seek out help when you begin to feel like you're in over your head. 

The Scare; Finding Peace

It rained all day yesterday. 
My hubby took the day off of work to take me to my doctor appointment, the one for the breast exam.  I told him I could've went on my own, but he knew better.  I needed him there with me.

My mom watched the kids, and for that I'm so thankful, since it ended up being a whole day ordeal.

As we left for the doctor and made it about half a mile down the road, I remarked that it rained just like this, the morning of our wedding day. 
That made me begin reminiscing all of our days together.  We married young and foolishly. Not for love, well, he did, I didn't.
But was it a mistake? 

I've asked myself that more than once since we tied the knot.

The answer is no.  Marrying this guy was not a mistake.

While I've been waiting to get my test and results and just embrace whatever stage I'm in, I questioned one thing. 

Was I satisfied with our days together? Was he? Was I a worthy wife to this man who loves me so deeply?  

I felt at peace knowing that yes, I was very satisfied with our relationship.  Even though the toughest of tough days, horrible days, hopefully unlike many of you have ever had to face, I was satisfied knowing he was on my team.
I use the "leave it better than you found it rule" everywhere, even in my relationships.  I don't always succeed, but I do give it an honest effort and pray through the ones I'm struggling with.

I decided over the weekend that yes, I could leave my family now, knowing they were better than when I found them.

I heard my oldest daughter singing hymns and worship music multiple times last week.  I saw my youngest (2) praying for her meals and shouting "GOD MADE ME!" to anyone who would listen.  I witnessed my son, our middle child,  practicing communion and mentioning that he was the man of the house when dad was at work.  He prayed for selfless things that most kids his age would never think of. I felt as if they were each mature for their age and stage, and that they were doing things that would glorify God.  

I was at peace.

Then I learned that my breast tissue was healthy, and that I needn't worry.  

Which means I get to keep teaching my children, my husband, myself, and everyone else about God's good news.  

I am still waiting for the results from one more test.  I'm hopeful that will turn out just fine also.  The doc didn't seem consider, so unless the test comes in and tells me otherwise, I'm claiming I'm healed, in Jesus' holy and life giving name!

I Love You to Death, Marry Me, and Have Fun

A couple weeks ago I was sobbing big ugly tears as I was digging through my keepsake box for a specific picture of an old friend.  I couldn't find it and felt so defeated.  It was just one of those days.  I did find something else though, from the same time period as the picture I was looking for.
 

It was a fake/just-for-fun marriage proposal I got from one of my co-workers at the local pizza place I worked at in high school. His little message was scribbled on the back of his senior picture.

I can't really remember the details of why he wrote this (maybe I told him what to write? who knows), but I do know we were just babies then.  Life seemed tough, but man it was so easy.

This boy was fun, and loved music.  If that wasn't enough he was actually a very genuine and caring person.
 

We were literally only coworkers, and I'm pretty sure he really disliked me (my teen years were rough, I even disliked me).  Regardless I enjoyed working with him, he had a good work ethic, which was kind of (very!) rare amongst the boys I worked with back then. I'm so glad I got to kinda know him then.  Even if I didn't know him very well.  Thanks to Facebook it's cool to keep up with him, and so many others now too.
 

This guy is now living out one of my dreams from back then, traveling around and making music.

And as I sat there, holding his picture and spending only a couple seconds thinking 'what might have been',  I realized here's where I am now: cleaning up toys, cooking dinner, washing dishes and folding a mountain of laundry, every.single.day. 

 

 I swear to you though, I wouldn't have it any other way.  

 

I'm married to a guy who makes me smile daily, my children are healthy, and I'm alive!  You better believe I love my ordinary life.  Yes, I really do.
 

People come into our lives for a season, and only God knows the reason. 
Someday, I'd love to know what all these little connections with people were about.
 

That's probably one of the first things I'll ask God:
Why did I only know some of these great people for such a short time? Why didn't I know them better, or deeper?  Why do relationships and even simple friendships fail, despite our best efforts to keep them afloat? Why do other relationships flourish when we really don't feel invested in them?
 

For now, I'm going to assume that I should just keep doing what I'm doing here and God will fill me in when I get there.

Ps.  If you're curious about his music, check out: http://www.rubbersoulthetribute.com/

Why I'm Pulling Back the Shades and NOT Seeing 50 Shades of Grey

Ladies, we need to talk.  Grab a cup of coffee, this may take a while. 

I know many of you are really looking forward to seeing the 50 shades of Grey movie this weekend.  But can I just ask, WHY?  What about it is appealing to you?

Now before you envision me sitting up high on my soap box writing this to you, I want you to know that I too was tempted to see the movie, read the books, and fall victim to the ridiculous amount of advertising the brand has put out there.  I even bought all 3 books for my own mother!  Clearly I didn’t know what they were about or I wouldn’t have bought them for her.  For a friend maybe, but my mom? ewww. 

From what I know, the story line that goes along with 50 shades has left me with this feeling of being ever so thankful that my husband isn’t a dominant man who pushes me around in the bedroom, or anywhere else. 

50 shades is a fantasy that takes you on an unrealistic journey.  Or at least that’s what we would hope.  But for many couples, that’s their reality.  And it isn’t healthy.

My husband and I have had to work to overcome our intimacy and sexuality issues.  Body issues, experience and lack of experience issues, etc., etc.  

We’ve been together 11 years and are at a great place in our marriage, so I honestly believe I would be okay watching the movie.  BUT why risk all that we’ve worked for?  This stuff is bad folks, really bad. 

My real issue with this movie, and just the view that society has on sex is that it’s just that.  It’s just sex.  Worse than that is how Mr. Grey presents himself as this dominant controlling man. 

I pray to God that my daughters NEVER see this movie, or get the idea that marrying a man in this image is okay. 

I’m honestly worried for the young women watching this film and how they’re going to think this behavior is okay.  It is NOT okay.  It is NEVER okay to be taken advantage of.  I’ve read the 50 shades advocates saying “but he offers to have her sign a contract”, “she knew what was coming”.  Honestly, you think that makes it okay? 

Sex is not meant to be separate from LOVE.   I’m promoting the book called Pulling Back the Shades and doing a book study on it.  The authors do a great job of explaining it like this:

“Your sexuality was never meant to be separate from your deepest spiritual and relational longings but to be an expression of them.”

Think about what that means.  Analyze it and apply it.   

I have so much more to say on this, but I don’t want to get too graphic or too wordy.  The PBTS book does such a great job explaining and teaching about this that I’ll just refer you on to that. 

I’ll be hosting a giveaway for the book PULLING BACK THE SHADES!  Check back HERE or my FACEBOOK page for more details coming soon!

 

Ps.  As I’m editing through this I want to tell you more, give you specifics, open my heart wide and pour it all out.  Honestly I’m too scared though.  Satan has been attacking me hard through this whole Pulling Back the Shades journey.  I’ve missed countless study groups, church services, and dates to meet up with women and talk about the book.  Satan knows how powerful this book is and he will stop at nothing to keep us from sharing God’s truth on intimacy.  I have felt so defeated by this, but I have a great group of women praying for me and encouraging me to just keep pressing forward.  The harder the enemy fights us, the more we know this is exactly what God wants us to be doing. 

Embrace Your Story, and Other Sunday Morning Ramblings

 

Random thoughts that ran through my head this morning:

 

Sitting in church and my 7 year old boy leans over and snuggles up to me.  He’s tired.  I’m not sure he’s listening, but he isn’t being disruptive to anyone else (but me) so I put my arm around him and hold him.  It’s what he needed.  His father, my husband, would’ve abruptly told him to sit up and pay attention.  That wouldn’t have been wrong either. 

You could say we’re a good balance that way, or that we’re just confusing the poor boy because he doesn’t know which of us is right, or who to listen to.  Regardless, this is what happened today. 

Two pews ahead I see a mom next to her high school aged boy.  He’s sitting tall, attentively listening to the pastor.  I can tell because when the pastor moves, his head moves to follow him. 

At first I feel a touch of jealousy.  What’s she doing right, that I’m doing wrong?  Her son is surely making her proud. 

Then I realize, this is just the stage I’m in.  My 12 year old was sitting just as well as the high school boy.  Listening well, following along.  This skill will come for my 7 year old too.    

One thing I’ve been working on for some time now is just embracing my story.  It was our MOPS theme last year and I didn’t quite get a handle on it the way I should have.  I am trying to be thankful for this stage, right here and now. 

I saw a couple tired moms with babies in church, and my heart ached for them.  My heart ached for me too.  It wasn’t that long ago that I was the mom swaying side to side in the back of the church rocking my little baby, feeling like I was missing out.  Wondering why got dressed for this and longing to go home, because it was just easier there.

 Now my “baby” is two, and rarely needs rocked or shushed.  I should’ve embraced that stage, rather than crying as I rocked my baby in the church nursery rocking chair, wishing those days away.  Shame on me, it was a beautiful stage of bonding. She was learning to trust me, and I couldn’t just fully enjoy it.  Hindsight is 20/20.

So my message to you, dear momma, is EMBRACE THIS STAGE. Whatever it is you’re going through, whether this is about you, your kids, or your marriage.  Own your story.  Yes, just embrace it.  Work to improve it, because without a struggle, you won’t find your strength.  No matter how bad it is for you right now, please don’t wish these days away. 

And if your church offers it- don’t be afraid to use that nursery!  Embracing your story and enjoying this stage doesn’t mean you have to do this all alone.  Don’t be afraid to ask a neighbor to watch your littles for an hour so you can have a little break.  Life is better when we do it together, and when we do it well rested and refreshed.  ♥

The Benefits of Being Strong-Willed (Part 2)

This post contains affiliate links. A Slightly Better Wife (Quincey B.) is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

In my last post on being strong-willed I briefly talked about the conference I went to and what it meant to be strong willed.   I want to assure any of you strong willed women who are reading this that your personality type, when used correctly, is a gift from God. 

This is NOT a character flaw, okay?  Just repeat that a few times before you move on. 

I know not all my readers are married or even moms, or have lead a life even remotely similar to mine, so if you can’t relate to these examples try to brainstorm ways that your strong-willed personality has been a blessing to you.

Here are a few of my experiences:

I’ll start with when I was a teen working at a pizza place.  I had two different grown men who on separate occasions would come in and try to be overly friendly- but honestly downright weird with me.  Another trusted adult said these guys were harmless; ignore it, they’d been coming in for years.  They said I was overreacting; they weren’t interested in me, just off kilter.  Okay, whatever.

I believed that for a moment, even after I had a bible and blanket thrown at my feet as a sign of this 50-something’s love for me (this really made me afraid of and confused by Christianity.  People, it’s true that sometimes YOU are the only Jesus people may see.  Choose your words and actions wisely).  This one guy constantly came behind the counter and knelt at my feet to worship me and pray ‘with me’.  Practically every Saturday morning I’d get a visit from one of these two guys.  I called the cops so many times that summer.  I’m very thankful they always took me seriously and came to my rescue to scare him off.  After a few months though, I had enough.  I chose NOT to be passive and instead stood up for myself against these clearly mentally unstable people.  One of the men was later hauled off by the cops when he showed up at my work place one evening and threatened someone with a spear.  You read that right, a spear!  I thank God I wasn’t there and that no one was harmed.  I KNOW that being strong-willed probably saved my life that summer.

 

Back track a few years, I think I was in middle school.  I had an innocent crush on a kid who was in the same grade as one of my older brothers.  The kid knew this (because I called him all.the.time), and was a jerk to me in front of everyone else (I was 4 years younger.  That’s a big deal when you’re a boy in high school and a middle school girl likes you.  I get that now).  I cried big crocodile tears because he said he didn’t like me.  Once he had me alone he apologized and dropped his pants asking me to do things that I was NOT okay with doing.  I was like 12! I didn’t even want to kiss him, but would’ve been over the moon with just holding hands. 

 

My strong-willed personality allowed me to give him a firm NO, a shove, and a threat that made him never EVER try anything like that again.  He still won’t make eye contact with me, and that was 16 years ago!

 

In my late teens early 20’s my strong-willed personality helped me be a good leader in the work place.  It led our team to higher efficiency. 

 

As a young housewife my strong-willed personality being used selfishly caused the crash of one of the most fun friendships I ever had.  In retrospect I’m glad it happened.  It was best for both of us to no longer be friends.  But I so badly wish it wasn’t my fault and that I wasn’t the one carrying all the guilt of my actions causing so much pain and awkwardness among each other and our friends.  If I had used my personality correctly I could’ve set some firm boundaries that would’ve benefited both of us.  We could’ve slowly separated and remained friends instead of becoming instant enemies.   

 

2 years ago the combination of me and our pediatrician both being strong willed, led to testing that determined our youngest daughter’s heart condition. 

 

Being strong willed as a wife has led me to fight for my husband’s happiness and health.  It allowed me to stand by his side during a custody battle and not get weary or back down.  It allowed me to get him the care he needed when we found a lump on the back of his head. 

The control of my strong-willed personality is what earned me the place standing over the operating table guiding the doctor as my husband had that lump removed for the second time, because it grew back. 

You see the first time I wasn’t motivating the doctor to do it right, I was PUSHING the doctor and telling him how to do his job.  Now a part of me wants to point out that if this doctor would’ve listened to me, we wouldn’t have been back in for a second surgery.  As far as I know that’s all true and everything, but I wasn’t using my “power” for good, I was using it to be right. 

 

This is probably way too late in the post to have this be very effective, but I need to tell you that being submissive, and honoring God by controlling your gift of being strong-willed DOES NOT MEAN that you need to endure any sort of abuse. 

It simply means (I’m quoting this from the conference because I don’t want to summarize it and have it come across wrong):

“Submission is an attitude of the heart that says we want to show our love for Christ through the way we voluntarily place the goal of oneness within the marriage before our own selfish desires.” –Dr. Debbie Cherry

 If you have read this and decided that you too are strong-willed, here’s what you can do:

For one, pray that God would show you how to use your personality for his glory.  Notice I’m not saying pray for God to change your spouse/kids so you don’t have to repeat yourself over and over.  Pray that YOU are changed.

Don’t freak out over every little thing, set some realistic expectations. 

Stop making excuses.  “My mom raised me this way, so that’s why I yell and nag”.  “If you listened the first time I wouldn’t be yelling now”.

Begin to delegate out some of your duties.  You KNOW they won’t be done exactly to your liking, but just suck it up and say thank you anyway.  Praise is more effective than criticism. 

I personally have decided I don’t care how my bath towels are folded, as long as I can find a clean one when I need it.  This was a huge release for me, as I’ve nagged about how bath towels need to be folded in thirds not quarters for about 8 years!  I even corrected my father-in-law for folding them wrong.  Who the heck complains about their father-in-law helping with laundry?  Some ungrateful woman using her strong-willed personality incorrectly, that’s who!  Never again! 

Focus your heart and mind on the happiness and needs of others, not yourself. 

And just for fun- STOP rearranging the food at every gathering you go to.  If someone wants a scotcheroo bar they’ll find it, even if it isn’t placed next to all the other desserts and in alphabetical order!  haha.  kidding.  kind of.

If you are interested in checking out the book Dr. Debbie Cherry wrote

on this topic click the Amazon affiliate link below:

 

You Think I'm Strong-Willed? Whatever THAT Means!

There were only TWO other women at the conference with sparkle shoes.  One of them was Sally Baucke, the woman who taught me it's okay to wear sparkle shoes and find the joy in your life right where you are.  The other woman was like me, just trying to be as fashionable as Sally!

So you know that class on being a strong-willed wife that I shamefully admitted to signing up for?  It was GOOD!  Real good. 

I sat right in the front row, because my fun-sized friend has trouble seeing over the heads in front of us when we aren’t in stadium seating.  She's adorable, and I am only teasing about her height... But see for yourself.     

Isn't she cute?  She also LOVES Sally.  Someday I'd love to see the two of them preform a skit at Hearts at Home together!  They're both hilarious and have big heart for sharing Jesus.

Truthfully I found out in later sessions that even I  at 5’9” also have trouble seeing over the crowd ahead of me. 
My friend and I  had the best seats in the house for this workshop.  God placed both of us there because we NEEDED it.  He knew it, and we discovered it!

I learned I AM strong-willed. I mean  I was pretty sure I was, but I didn't see how it was effecting my marriage until the workshop on Saturday.  

We started off with taking a quiz and I scored 33 out of 40.   If I was even more honest with myself I probably would have scored a few points higher yet! 

I didn’t really see my personality characteristics as a problem, until Dr. Debbie Cherry, our speaker, started explaining HOW other people view these traits.

Thankfully I also learned there are myths to what being strong-willed means.  I bought into all of the myths as a strong-willed person myself and for the people I feel are strong willed around me.

Being strong-willed doesn’t mean that you are a bad girl.  It doesn’t mean you’re automatically the big-B-word. 

The problem comes when you don't use your gift of being SW'd correctly, you may come across as um... witchy. 

We aren't all witchy though.  We're just passionate.  We love Jesus just the same as anyone else does; we just aren’t quiet about it. 

We love the Proverbs 31 woman and we feel inspired by her, not intimidated by her.  This was really eye opening for me.  I have heard so many women talk about how impossible it is to imitate the Proverbs 31 woman.  They get really uncomfortable and even a little angry talking about her and how unrealistic she is.  I’ve never felt like that, I’ve always thought she was encouraging to me.   

Some positive traits of being a SW'd woman are this:  Motivated, Passionate, Energetic, Charismatic, Confident, Independent and we are born leaders with BIG DREAMS.  These are NOT bad things at all.   I particularly like this list actually. 

So yes, I am SW’d in that I will rearrange a food line to make it flow better (I’ll try to stop this, I swear it).  I didn’t even realize it was a problem until she spoke of it.  I’ve also rearranged restaurants to make them more conducive to conversation.  My family rolls their eyes when I do this.  I thought they were innocently giving me a hard time.  They probably weren’t.

The plus side is I’m also SW’d in that I am so passionate about marriage and helping others finding their self-worth that I will lay down my wants/needs to provide for others, because I feel so strongly about it. 

 I love passionately, just not quietly.  That truth was so freeing. 

The next step is learning how to control this gift of being Strong-Willed.  My usual interruption is happening now (the baby waking up) I’ll post a part 2 when I can!  There are so many amazing qualities to being strong-willed, so I hope you will check back to hear more!

 

The speaker I’m referring to is Dr. Debbie Cherry and she has written a book called The Strong-Willed Wife: Using Your Personality to Honor God And Your Husband {affiliate link}.


Here is a link to some hilarious clips featuring Sally Baucke.

Who am I? Love Your Life

 

 

This weekend I am attending a Christian women's conference a couple hours from home called Hearts at Home.

At this point in my life, as in right now-today, I feel like I'm doing alright in the areas of motherhood and marriage, but I am lacking in finding my true identity.  After talking it over with Mr. Awesome, and running it by a good friend (so many times, I'm sorry, and thank you guys for putting up with me!) I've decided it's best to be focusing my workshop selections on bettering me as Quincey.  Not as mom, not as wife, not as daughter, etc.

 

  I have gone to Hearts at Home for many years and always take the mommy/wife classes and learn SO much. They have really helped shape me.  So if you're reading this and that's the type you signed up for, I assure you- you have made a good choice!  All the workshops are amazing.  Honestly.

One of the workshops I signed up for is titled "Could Someone Please Remind Me Who I Am?!"

 Check out the description of this class

 

"You probably feel like you are juggling a lot of roles – mommy, wife, volunteer, friend, daughter… Beneath all the things you DO, have you ever wondered in a quiet moment (if you ever have one) who you really ARE? Be prepared to hear a message on identity that you wouldn’t expect from your average psychologist. Juli will help you:

• Understand why the search for identity consumes you.
• Recognize the difference between the world’s definition of you and what the Bible says.
• Recognize why believing God about who you are is so difficult.
• Get out of the rat race of trying to prove yourself.
• Take practical steps to be rooted in who you really are."

 

 

I am looking forward to sharing with you what I learn when I get back! I'm sure I'll Instagram my experience along the way! 

 

Would you please pray safe travels over my group and that we all will connect and be refreshed?  Thank you. 

 

 

Oh and to be TOTALLY honest here- I am also taking one teeny-tiny (full-length) class called "The Strong-Willed Wife".  You know, just because that's all they had left or something.... and, um, because my husband encouraged me to give it a try. 

 

 

I give more than one iota for unconditional LOVE

Hey Kids,
Tonight your dad and I played a game called iota.  it's labeled as "the great big game in the teeny-weeny tin". We just got it a few days ago and finally got a chance to sit down and play it mostly uninterrupted.
I won the first game by a long shot (296-199, if you're curious).  But the second game?  Daddy beat me by 1 point!  1 stinking point!  Haha.  We laughed, teased/smack talked & played until past 11.  Then he chased me around the living room being just goofy!  

I hope someday all 3 of you will also have days where your marriage feels so fulfilling like this.
Our marriage isn't perfect.  I will never lead you to believe that.  But it is pretty much great 95% of the time.  The other 5% is spent feeling frustrated as I'm telling your dad to put his clothes into the hamper, NOT next to it.  It's okay though, he's trying to teach me to load the dishwasher with dirty dishes, NOT load them into the sink!  Someday we will both get it.  At that point we will probably find something new to bug each other about.  Really. 
But that's life.
When one problem is solved you move on to the next one. 
I pray you will each find a spouse who encourages you, prays for you and loves you unconditionally.  I mean that last one.  I didn't just use it because it sounded good there (although it did, right?). 
Real true love is unconditional.  You don't have to do a thing to earn it.  I promise you.  Your daddy loves me unconditionally.  It came natural for him.  I had to learn how to love that way.  How ever you go about it doesn't matter, just do it and do it good!
Okay enough ramblings for tonight.  Momma loves you.
All of you.
Unconditionally.

Weekend to Remember Buy One Get One

 

It's BUY ONE, GET ONE at FamilyLife Weekend to Remember now until Sept. 15th!  This is the marriage conference my husband and I went to when "we were totally fine and just going because some friends were".  Yeah, we WEREN'T fine!  Even if we were totally fine, "fine" isn't good enough for MY marriage, and it shouldn't be for YOURS either! Yes when you add up the hotel, gas, and conference it seems expensive, but I promise you that there is no greater gift to give yourself and your children than really investing in your marriage.  From newlyweds all the way to empty-nesters this conference is phenomenal! 



Practical Tips For Being A SLIGHTLY BETTER WIFE

A  Slightly Better Wife is not what I am, but what I strive to be.
Here are just a handful of things I've been doing this week to work at being a better wife.

1.  Be ready for sex when he is, even initiate it sometimes.  Yeah okay, so this falls under TMI, but I'm a big girl, I do what I want.  Sex within marriage is absolutely okay, and in our relationship I'd even say it's necessary to keep the peace- for both of us!  It used to be pretty one sided, and then one sided the other way, but now we're working it out and it's a beautiful {abundant} thing.  So if he makes the move and I really feel like saying no or making an excuse, but can't come up with a good one, we just do it anyway.  It's not a chore or a hassle, it's actually rather enjoyable and I'm always glad I didn't back out.

Okay, moving on....

2.  Having meals and snacks ready.  I'm terrrrrrrrrible at this.  Really, I used to rock at menu planning, but I've just lost my passion for it.  I'm using my new planner to write in what or where we are eating each night so there aren't any temper tantrums (from momma OR the baby) at meal time.

3. Putting my phone down when he's talking to me.  I didn't realize how much this bothered him, until he told me.  Now I see other people doing it and it makes me so sad.  LOOK UP people, there's a great big world out there. 

4.  I'm trying not to complain about things I've already complained about.  I mean I really just shouldn't complain at all, but it's gonna happen, so at least I can bring up new subjects, not beat away at the old ones.  Yes, he knows how much someone drives me crazy when they post super similar pictures to the ones I posted (copycats have always been a pet peeve of mine, I guess I should praise myself for being a trendsetter).  Yes he understands how many loads of laundry I've done and what a chore it was.  And yeah, he really could go without hearing about how much it bothers me that the floor is covered in crumbs AGAIN when I just cleaned it a few hours ago.

5.  Praying for him.  I pray for him often and always, but I'm trying to focus my prayers into something deeper, something more real.  I'd love to share about this in another post soon!

So this is what I'm doing and what is working out alright over here.  How about you?

Birthday Giveaway!

 

It’s been 1 week since I celebrated my BIRTHDAY with my friends and family. Now I’d like to celebrate with YOU! Every so often I’ll be giving away one of my favorite things! It may have to do with any of my hot topics: Marriage.Homeschool.Motherhood, or it may not! Sometimes it’s a big ticket item, most times it’s not. How fun/random is that? Keep an eye out {HERE ON MY BLOG} for details on how YOU can enter to win!

Approved Fightin' Words

 

 

 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this:

Everyone should be quick to listen,

slow to speak and slow to become angry

James 1:19

Mr. Awesome had to endure some of my cranky not-so-awesomeness yesterday.  In hindsight I was way to quick to speak, and I really didn't give two craps if I was listening to anything he had to say- because after he ticked me off, I had already made up my mind that it was my way or the highway.   I'll spare you the details and just sum up our yesterday afternoon in one word, "unpleasant". 

Thankfully once I got some food in me my mood leveled out and I was able to think a little clearer.  I felt like real poo for not practicing what I preach!  So here are some phrases I SHOULD HAVE used, and I suggest you to use these if you find yourself in a "fight", "bickering", or just having some "intense fellowshipping" as us Lutheran's like to call it. ;)  We learned some of these at the amazing Weekend to Remember Conference we attended in Minneapolis a few years ago.  If you eeeeevvveerrr get the chance to go to one of their conferences, take it!  The weekend away is wonderful, but the content they provide to you is even better! 

 

First thing to remember is this: WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM. Repeat that in your head or out loud as many times as you need to, so you don't soon forget it.  I cannot emphasize this one enough.  This doesn't just apply in marriage but in all area's of life.  I've used this line with another mom and I think it made us both change our perspectives and get over ourselves for the sake of our children.

• I am NOT throwing in the towel on us, how can we compromise on this so neither one of us feels put out?
• I am too upset right now, but this is important to me. Can I take some time to cool off and we talk about this tomorrow at 3 o'clock? -set a specific time and stick to it.
• Let's take turns sharing our sides.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,

but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29

• Can you clarify?- Sometimes there is just a misunderstanding and asking your partner to clarify can bring much peace.
• Tell me more about why you feel that way.

Remember to speak with encouragement.  The goal here is not to win. The goal is to understand each other and work together to build harmony.

The more talk, the less truth;

    the wise measure their words

Proverbs 10:19

Marriage & Family: Where's the fun?

"You guys have the perfect marriage",  "

"You guys have so much fun", 

"You two really know how to party", 

 "We always have so much fun when we get together with you guys"<--{My Favorite}

 Those are statements I USED to hear often.  Then we got pregnant.  I spent a small part of my pregnancy in bed, crying, and just trying to hang on to my baby.  Once that was over I spent the rest of my pregnant days mostly indoors (it was a SCORCHING hot summer).  I got out when I could, but I couldn't wait to get back in to the air conditioning and put my feet up!  


Once we had our third baby, we spent a year in and out of different hospitals and doctors offices hearing things like "just keep loving on her" (our sweet pediatrician)  "she'll be okay but lets keep a close eye on her" (when she broke her arm) "come back in (insert time) weeks, months etc. so we can have another listen" (the cardiologist) and mostly "you're great parents" (from so many nurses).

That last one we hear A LOT.  

Most of the time I feel we ARE great parents.  Parenting is my passion.  Raising the future generation is such an honor.  Someday these children will be someone's spouse, and a parent themselves.  I'm working hard at this, because I really don't want to screw this up.   Parenting with my husband can be kind of difficult.  Like when I say "Go to bed" and he says "Who want's to play a game?". haha.  But mostly it is an insane amount of fun. 


Over the last year my husband and I have let our "circumstances" take over way too much of our lives. We’ve put such an emphasis on our children (this is a good thing, but there needs to be a balance) So much so, that we both craved adult conversation and attention.  When we were bored, we found ways to cure the boredom.  Separately.  That was the problem.  Our friendships blossomed, but our marriage wilted. 

 Being a fun parent comes easy and natural, but being a fun wife, is something I have to work at. 

I adore my husband, but I take him for granted much more than I should.  Anyone who knows him has nothing but good to say about him.  He’s truly terrific. He snatched me up when I was just 18, and has been my best friend and role model ever since.


Last weekend in an effort to be a fun wife, I bought him a green Ninja Turtles shirt to impress our son (see, there I go again with the fun parent thing.  The boy got an Iron man costume/shirt, and for 20 minutes I was the coolest mom ever).  Anyway- yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day so I gave Mr. Awesome the shirt to wear.  While I was cleaning the baby’s room he brought me in a glass of glass of green beer!  Yes, it’s really the little things that can start a positive chain reaction. 

I need to work hard at this marriage too.  Because I refuse to screw this up by letting each day slip by without trying my best.

Just a Few Quick Notes

I don’t have time to write out a full blog post but I want to share a few quick notes I’ve taken at MOPS this year.

• If you are a parent, you are a leader.  You will always be a leader. 
• Put verses where you can soak them in.  This is as simple as writing out a verse on a note card and sticking it at the kitchen sink, on the mirror, or on the door so you see it before you head out. 
• Praise First!
• Don’t keep secrets from your spouse.  Share EVERYTHING.  There isn’t such thing as sharing too much in a marriage.  I’ll devote a post to this later.
• Men, although they are tough on the outside, are fragile on the inside.  Remember that, and treat them accordingly.
• It’s okay to want good things, but not more than we want to please the Lord.

The Pain Inside

10 days ago I was helping my husband and my brother get a massive lawn mower loaded on to a trailer.  When I say massive, I mean massive.  It was heavy and we were pushing with all our might (at least I was!).  Some how, in the shuffle of getting it up there it got turned funny (this was probably my fault) and we had to back it down a ways to straighten it out.  The weight of the mower on the lift gate and the trailer not being secured on the ball, caused the whole thing to pop up.  The mower, along with the lift gate landed right across my feet. 

OUCH! 

I'm pretty sure I yelled more than just ouch... It was dreadfully painful.  Now, I'll admit have an abnormally low pain tolerance, *especially* for someone who has given birth twice. Seriously though, this legitimately hurt like heck.

I instantly had thoughts of broken feet, never walking again, etc., etc.

The amazing thing is that I prayed for healing, and within an hour I was up and walking. 

The kicker is that for the last 10 days the feeling in my feet has been so "off".  When I bend my feet I feel the pins and needles feeling.  When they're in anterior position I feel nothing, in a very weird way.  When I'm walking, each step is painful, but not excruciating, just uncomfortably painful.

I chose to keep walking.  I chose to keep pushing on through the pain.

 

Many times I think about my feet, and how from the outside they look perfectly fine. It shocks me.

I have a friend who asked for prayers because even though she is happy, bubbly and one of the most cheerful people I know, she's hurting on the inside.  I was humbled to hear her ask for prayers.  I was proud of her.  Yet I couldn't help but think "wow".  It surprised me, because she hides it so well. 

I think a lot of people hide a lot of things.  And you know, that's okay.  We don't need a world full of Debbie-downers.  But hey guys, we also don't need to battle this world alone.   YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  When it gets too much to handle and you need prayers or help, just ask.

 

I am thankful for this incident, because it has been a constant reminder to me that we don't know what someone else is battling.  Just because they're well put together on the outside doesn't mean there isn't some sort of pain on the inside. 

 

I have a different pain inside than just what happened to my feet.  And the pain inside changes as I have different worries about my children, my marriage, my home, our government, and life in general.  I'm not a constant worrier, but when I use to worry often, it wasn't pretty!  I am thankful that I have a God to pray to.  I am thankful for true friends that I can be open and honest with.  I'm thankful that I don't have to do this all on my own. 

 

Today my pain is in the form of a useless worry.  It's useless to worry about, because there is nothing I can do to change it.  Tomorrow we take our almost 1 year old baby girl for another check-up with her cardiologist.  Baby and cardiologist should NOT even be in the same sentence as far as I'm concerned.  This check up is what they call "the big one".  Yes, that's really what they call it.  They predict that at this appointment they will be able to tell if  heart surgery in her near future, or if we can space out her check ups more and she can go on living "normally" without medical intervention.

 

I know that this is all in God's hands.  And I know that God doesn't waste our pain.  Just like the trailer incident, my pain wasn't wasted, it taught me a very hands on valuable lesson.

 

Ps.  I am pretty sure that the trailer landing on my feet also served as a punishment for my selfish thoughts..  more on that later... maybe... or maybe not... ;)

 

Flag Day

 

This Friday June 14th marks Flag Day. This also happens to be the wedding anniversary of my loving parents.
My father tells a great story about how he fooled my young mother into  thinking he hung flags all around town for their first wedding anniversary. ;)

If you are looking for a song to teach your children about Flag Day try out this fun one we found on YouTube.
Watch "Flag Day Song for Kids (FREE LYRICS BELOW) DidiPop Kids Music" on YouTube

Free Ebook For Couples

Right now the Kindle version of this book is free!  Be sure to check the price before you hit purchase, as it is known to change without notice.
If you don't have a Kindle there is also a kindle for pc app.  I like to read mine on my smart phone.
Hope you can snag this great deal!

Closer: Devotions to Draw Couples Together:Amazon:Kindle Store http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B002P3K6X6/ref=mp_s_a_2?qid=1337189662&sr=8-2
Be blessed!

100th BLOG POST! A Book Giveaway!

So this is the 100th blog post for A Slightly Better Wife.  I haven't blogged as much as I would've liked to, but don't all bloggers say that?

I have become a better wife in some areas, and that was the goal.  I feel like I've made improvements, but still have a ways to go.  Marriage is a work in progress, no matter how much you love your spouse or how many years you've been together you still need to work at showing them how special they are, each and every day. 

One thing that has helped me is being held accountable.  Just having friends, neighbors and family who don't sit around and male bash, but instead encourage me, has been a great refreshing help.  Early on in our marriage when I was still just a young gal I didn't have this, but I so wish I did.

Reading my bible has changed me.  I've read my bible off and on since I first got it as a gift when I was just a teenager.  The bible is full of truth, and if you look, you will find just what you need. 

And really having such a kind, caring and devoted husband who is a major goof ball has been the biggest blessing in my goal to being a better wife.  He is so forgiving, I praise God for him. 

I'm not going to be giving away my husband. ;)  BUT I will be giving away: Ann Voskamp's book "One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are"  You can read what I wrote about it last month here, yes right here...click here now.

As far as the friends- Please take a few minutes to really evaluate the people you are spending the most time with.  Do you dread answering the phone when they call?  How do you feel after you've spent time with them?  Just be sure you are with people who can lift you up and help you, not hurt you.  Also try to be the type of friend that is encouraging to others.  After all, love is what makes the world go around :-)

~How to enter the book giveaway~ 

Leave a comment OR use the form below to answer these questions:
*Your name
*E-mail address
and
*The advice you would give to a new bride. 

Winner will be picked in 10 days... yes, 10!  On February 26th,  2012 (A special day to me, I'll write more on this later).

PS. I'd love it if you would also follow my blog.

Good Luck & God Bless You!!

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